What are the criteria related to meetings and phone calls between the marriage candidates before marriage? How should the parties get to know each other?

To what extent are young people who want to get married allowed to meet and talk, and what did the Prophet (pbuh) allow? Is a relationship that lasts for a year or two by texting on the phone and without ever meeting in person not built on solid foundations when it finally ends in marriage?

Dear Brother / Sister,

A third party must be present with the parties who meet with the intention of getting married. Otherwise, "khalwah", that is, "two people being alone in seclusion", occurs, which is not permissible. This meeting includes talking, chatting, and expressing their demands and requests from each other because the level of thought and culture of the parties, their stammering or stuttering (if any), or the tone of their voices become more evident when they talk.

After a while following those meetings and conversations, the opinions and impressions of the parties about each other become clear. After a short time, they make their decision. Religious permission exists for only one meeting. Meeting three or five times is far from seriousness; besides, it is not beneficial for the health of the family to be established.

The view of the Shafii madhhab on the issue is remarkable in that it shows the dignity and seriousness of the family institution. The man who wants to marry must see the girl before becoming a suitor. However, the girl and her family must not be aware of it. This is more appropriate in terms of the honor of the girl and her family. If he likes the girl, he can become a suitor; thus, neither the girl nor her family will be hurt. That is the reasonable and applied view. This view is confirmed by the hadiths indicating that it is permissible to look at the girl with or without her permission.

It is clear that it is permissible for a man to look at the woman he wants to get married in the meetings before the marriage or at any other woman as long as there is no lustful feeling.

Questions on Islam