Is the marriage contract performed secretly from parents valid?

- Can a boy and a girl who have come of age of majority accept each other as husband and wife?
- Is it haram to have consensual intercourse with a woman or to have a secret marriage?

Dear Brother / Sister,

The Act of Marriage is a contract, a settlement and an agreement; it has certain conditions. If any of the conditions is not fulfilled, that Act of Marriage will not be valid.

1. The individuals who wish to get married have to be ready by person or by their duly appointed representatives.

2. The statement of both parties’ own will to get married. Both parties have to state that they accept the Act of Marriage by saying “I have accepted”.

3. The permission from the guardian of the girl. This rule applies to all the sects except the Hanafi sect.

4. The presence of the witnesses. These witnesses have to be two (2) men or one (1) man and two (2) women who have reached the age of puberty and who are sane. So, it means there has to be at least one (1) man as a witness.

There is another condition apart from the conditions mentioned above; the announcement of the marriage. This rule applies to the Maliki sect only. However, it is stated in the Ottoman Family Law Decree that the marriage contracts not registered by the district judge (qadi) will be considered void and the official marriage is strictly emphasized.

We do not consider it appropriate to have a religious marriage before a civil marriage. We regard it necessary to have a civil marriage as well as a religious marriage especially for the protection of women's religious and worldly rights.

As a matter of fact, it is stated in the Ottoman Family Law Decree that the marriage contracts not registered by the district judge (qadi) will be considered void and the official marriage is strictly emphasized.

They prefer religious wedding so as not to commit any sins when they are alone. However, after doing that, they might find themselves in a very hard situation.

When a woman and a man, with or without the permission of their family, get married in the presence of witnesses, that marriage will be valid and unless the man divorces the woman, the woman cannot get married with someone else. In this regard, this is very dangerous. As a matter of fact, we receive dozens of questions regarding this matter. For example, “I had a religious marriage contract with a guy; he does not divorce me. What should I do?” “I got married with someone else before getting divorced from my other husband. Is it regarded as adultery?” We encounter so many horrific problems. As a result, incidents that are impossible to compensate occur. That is why, we never approve of religious marriage without an official marriage.

A man who acted in anger from time to time, which he would regret afterwards, came to the presence of Muhammad (pbuh) and asked him:

- Tell me about a deed that would get me to heaven so that I can do it and go to heaven!

The Prophet’s reply was very brief and clear:

- Overcome your anger; do not act upon; it will be enough for you!

Yes, anger is not an ordinary and simple state; as a matter of fact, a man who cannot overcome his anger will pull the trigger and kill a human being without hesitating. After that, he will regret throughout his life.

Due to such results of anger, the Prophet (pbuh) frequently warns us:

He warned the people around him by saying:

- If you want do something good that would take you to heaven, do not act upon your anger, overcome your anger, curb it, and stay away from provocations that would lead to anger.

The most important thing to know about anger, which always leads people to regret, is that there are various kinds of anger. Some people think that anger is just a nervous violence.

However, there is a type of anger which is the outcome of a sexual provocation and this type of sexual anger has more dreadful results than the temper type of anger which will make someone to kill another by pulling the trigger without any hesitation.

Furthermore, because the sexual anger would have more dreadful results compared to a temper-driven anger, Muhammad (pbuh) warned us to stay away from such views and environments that would provoke our sexual anger, and advised us not to exceed the limits of privacy; he even gave us a striking warning among his other warnings about this matter:

- A person whose sexual instincts have been aroused will be same as a person who has lost all or two-thirds of his mind. It means a person whose sexual instincts have been aroused and turns towards rebellion will take any risk without thinking.

When two strangers from opposite sexes come eye to eye, face to face in solitary places, it will pave the way for sexual anger to be aroused slowly. At first, innocent conversations, then shaking hands and holding hands; then, such a time will come that the waves of the sexual tension will drift the parties to such points they will start to see impossible things as possible. Just like the girl on the phone who was desperately seeking for guidance and help.

A girl over the phone was asking me on the other end of the line:

- We would like to have a secret religious marriage with my schoolmate, what do you think?

My response was definitely a harsh reaction:

- I am against every sort of suicide. A girl trying to secretly get married without the permission of her parents at the beginning of her life by risking her life is most probably the same as committing suicide. Maybe not for the boy, but for the girl the result is not any different than a suicide.

-She insisted on asking if there was no other way?

I said, “Yes there is and it is very easy.”

She got excited:

- Please tell me about it at once.

- Make an official marriage contract. So, you can save yourself and your family from a great devastation.

- But that is impossible now. Neither my family will give permission nor our school and age will allow us for such a thing.

- So, neither your age and school nor your parents will allow you to do such a thing. How do you dare to have a secret religious marriage and what is the reason for this rush?

- We have been friends for a long time. We have got used to each other. We seem to be unable to think of these obstacles ahead of us; so, we are ready to take the risk of having a religious marriage.

Yes, not avoiding becoming eye to eye with a stranger and exceeding the limits of privacy will make the parties unable to think of the results of their actions. They risk making mistakes that they will regret for the rest of their lives. They will make not only themselves but also their families miserable.

Besides, according to Shafii sect, religious marriage cannot be performed without the permission of the guardians. According to Hanafi sect, if the parties are not equal (do not match), the guardians do have the right to oppose and separate them.

In addition, it is against the law to have a religious marriage prior to the official marriage.

However, the ones who are drifted away by the sexual anger and temptation cannot think of these obstacles.

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