Is a man who gives hope to another person that he will marry her and then gives up this thought regarded to have violated her rights?

Details of the Question
Is a man who gives hope to another person that he will marry her and then gives up this thought regarded to have violated her rights?
The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

A man who starts a friendship with a girl or woman and says he will marry her with the intention of playing the field is regarded to have violated her rights. However, if he starts a friendship seriously but gives up the idea in the course of time due to some incidents, he is excused. For, getting married and then divorcing is worse than breaking up before marriage.

However, the party that gives up the thought of marriage needs to ask for forgiveness from the other party. We do not advice you to curse or damn him. Things like that may happen in life.

It is not a sin to fall in love. It is stated in a hadith that the one who falls in love with a woman and hides this feeling and who dies without telling this to anyone is a martyr. (see Kanzu’lummal, h. No: 7000; to get more information about the hadith, see Ajluni, 2/263;). Sahawi pointed out that the hadith is sahih (sound) (see al-Maqasidu’l-Hasana, 1(220). Therefore, it is not up to one to decide whether to fall in love or not. If you cannot help thinking of her/him, it is permitted for you to remember her/him.

However, it is wrong to love somebody to such a degree as to sacrifice the sacred things as if worshipping. If you have the opportunity to get married and to take him/her as a spouse within the boundaries of the religious criteria, we recommend you to do that right away. If this is not possible, thinking that it is not for your goodness, then, you should ask for a good spouse from Allah.

We cannot know what is good for us. There is a possibility that we will wish something which at first we absolutely wanted to take place had not ever happened. Therefore, it is best to ask for what is good for us and to wait with patience if it does not happen.

Mary’s mother had asked for a son. Allah gave her a girl. She was very upset about it. If we asked her now which one she would rather have: tens of boys or just one Mary. Of course, she would choose one Mary. For, her daughter became a prophet’s mother.

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