I have too many sins and have lost my hope to be a good servant again. What should I do?

Details of the Question
As-Salamu Alaykum Sir, I have too many sins and I have lost my hope to be a good servant again but I love Allah What should I do?
The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

One is responsible for repenting regardless of the state he is in. Satan tries to hinder people from repenting by demotivating them. While repenting, one needs to improve his lower-self and advance.
The following verse is present in the chapter Aal-i-Imran
“And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring God to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins, - and who can forgive sins except God?- and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done. For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath, - an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!” (Aal-i-Imran, 135-136)
That is to say, it is essential that one must not insist on committing that sin without an excuse for a repentance to be accepted, for a sin to deserve to be forgiven. What happens if a person continues to commit something haram, to make excuses like not being able control his lower-self and being hesitated about how the people around him would react to it? The translation of a hadith on the issue is as follows:

“When a believer commits a sin, a black spot appears in his heart. If he leaves that sin and begs Allah for forgiveness, that black spot disappears. If he continues to commit that sin, that black spot grows bigger. This is what “sin covering a heart” mentioned in the Quran means. (Ibni Majah, Zuhd: 29).
Yes, the statement “Through every sin is a way that leads to unbelief” indicates a significant reality. That is to say, a person who continues to commit a sin, gets used to it in the course of time and comes to such a point that he cannot quit it anymore. That habit leads him to greater and greater spiritual dangers. He eventually happens to believe that there is not an otherworldly punishment for sins and Hell’s existence is unnecessary. It is possible that, God forbid, the seed of sin that covers a small place in one’s heart at first will sprout and grow into a tree of Hell at last. (Flashes, p. 7; Mesnevi-i Nuriye, p. 115.)

In order not to be subject to such danger and be deceived by Satan’s whispers, one needs to quit sins, which will require repentance right away and pull himself together. (see Mehmed Paksu, Sünnet ve Aile).

What is the criterion of uttering one’s love for Allah?

As loving Allah and knowing that He is content with us is an abstract issue, it is difficult to comprehend it. One can say, “I love Allah”. However, as that statement expresses a feeling inside us, we need to externalize it.

On the other hand, is Allah really content with us? What kind of slaves are we in His eyes? Those questions are equally difficult to comprehend. There must be a way to comprehend them.

As a matter of fact, Allah informs us of the way, with which we can make our love for Allah understood and find out whether Allah is content with us, in the following Quranic verse: “O Muhammad, say: If you love Allah, follow me, so that Allah will love you.”

The indication of our love for Allah is practicing Islam by complying with our Prophet. We can say without hesitation that Allah loves us, if we lead our lives in accordance with the Prophet. For instance, how is your love for parents manifested? If you meet their wishes and quit things which they do not approve of, your love for them is manifested. And we understand that they love us too, even though they do not tell us. Contrarily, if you do not do anything they wish and still say, “but look at my heart I love them so much”, nobody will believe you.
We can deduce that Allah created the Prophet as an example for us and He manifested the most beautiful exemplary characteristics in him. And He said to us: “If you love me, comply with the Prophet I sent for you. Then you can know that I love you too.” In summary, the criterion of how much we love Allah is how much we resemble Prophet Muhammad. We can come to a conclusion judging by that criterion.

They are Quran and Sunnah, which are route maps for you, us and all humanity. We cannot suggest you anything other than those. That is to say; it is making the Quran and sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) our guides, putting ourselves in line with them and contemplating by reading subjects and books about faith. It will be very beneficial for your afterlife if you can find books which tell about the Quran and faith or spend time with people who contemplate and evaluate those matters.

Performing prayers in time, avoiding major sins and performing tasbihat (glorifying Allah) after prayers will also lead you to maturity.

What does Selling of Soul and Property mentioned in the verse mean?

While the verse which is translated as “Verily, Allah purchased the souls and the properties of believers in exchange for Paradise” is interpreted in Nur Collection, an exemplary anecdote is given and in the anecdote this message is placed: “The devices in those factories will be operated in my name and on my workbench. And their costs and payments will increase from one to a thousand.” The Words

During a conversation with my friends, I asked them how much soil and water cost and I could not get an answer. When I asked how much bananas cost, they told me a high value. So, when soil and water enter a tree, which is a factory of Allah, they come out in the form of bananas and gain a high value. In the same way, we give grass to a live factory called cow and we get meat and milk from it. Common beets come out of factories in the form of sugar and flower pollens become honey in beehives.
If one gives his soul and property to Allah’s workbench of orders, drawing lessons from the innumerable cautionary scenes surrounding him, he will be elevated to that supreme position called  “ala-i iliyyin” (the highest of the high ones) and will have the honor of being one of the dwellers in Heaven.

In Nur Collection, a significant lesson of truth is given by stating: “unbelief destroys the essence of humanity and transforms it from diamond into coal”. That is to say, humankind is created in the best stature (ahsan at-taqwim) like a diamond. If he strays away from the allowed way, the straight way, he is degraded to the lowest position as a punishment. That degradation is symbolized with “coal”. According to scientists, the main stone of both coal and diamond are the same. The only difference is in their way of crystallization. And from this difference, come out two opposing qualities. Just as different words can be written with the same letters, so too can reverse fruits come out from the same essence of humanity such as: believer-unbeliever, righteous-sinful, just-unjust, and modest-proud.

According to this exemplary anecdote:

The best stature: “state of being created as capable of writing the best”
The highest of the high: “the supreme position of those who can succeed in the previous one”
The lowest of the low: “the great fall and destruction of those who fail to write correctly”

The Messenger of Allah says: “The world is the field of the Hereafter”. In this sense, one needs to reach to the highest of the high, at least as a seed, in the worldly life so that it can manifest itself as that supreme position in the Hereafter. And one will deserve the position of the lowest of the low by committing sins and it will bear the fruit of that severe agony of punishment.

In summary: Both high people and low people grow in this world. And everyone tastes bliss or punishment in the afterlife based on their own deeds.

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