Does marriage destroy freedom and education?

The Details of the Question

- I have read many hadiths on the virtue and dignity of marriage for both men and women.
- Some people say that marriage, takes away the freedom of people, whether male or female, to access education, to have fun with friends and to do anything they wish.
- How can we approach them in a way that gives the right message about marriage and what can we say to them to prove that Islam does not imprison and kidnap men or women?
- Does marriage destroy one’s right to education and freedom?

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

First of all, we should state that the limits of the permissible are quite adequate for man’s desire; there is no need to trespass on the forbidden. There is always freedom and right to education within the limits of the permissible. It holds true for not only married people, but also every male and female Muslim.

Therefore, a Muslim is a servant of Allah not only when he is married but also when he is single, and he has to act in accordance with that servitude.

As for the claim that marriage destroys freedom and education:

Man is programmed as a social being. Therefore, it is one of the most basic needs for man to establish close and sincere communication with other people, to share, to cooperate, to feel love, affection and trust.

The institution that best meets those social and psychological needs of a person compared to other relationships is marriage and his/her spouse, who is his/her eternal life partner because unlike all other social relationships, marriage meets not only the material needs of a person such as food, drink, shelter and sexuality, but also psychological needs in the healthiest way.

Therefore, the fact that women today want to marry strong men despite living in safe housing estates, learning martial arts to protect themselves and having a high income is a clear indication of the need for a partner of the opposite sex.

Similarly, the fact that men with very good financial status and health or artists at the peak of fame see the greatest happiness in marriage is the most meaningful proof of the need to get married.

Marriage, which is such an important and indispensable institution for one’s religion and world, also brings some responsibilities as is the case in all other bilateral relations. For example, a person is no longer an individual but part of a couple. He/she has responsibilities to the person he/she is married to. It might not be possible for him/her to go wherever he/she wants and whenever he/she wants.

That is a sacrifice, a small price to pay, for the benefits of a satisfying relationship. Such a price and sacrifice are not unique to the husband-wife relationship; all healthy human relations are based on self-sacrifice, patience, tolerance, solidarity and understanding each other.

Even the parent-child relationship requires great sacrifice. Do parents not sacrifice their sleep, comfort, freedom, wealth, and pleasure for their children when necessary? Do children not stop their work, even their education, and travel to help their parents when they need their children? Or think of two friends, think of an employee and an employer or two relatives; is a one-sided, selfish, arbitrary relationship possible?

Definitely not. Everyone willingly makes some sacrifices along with the moral benefit they derive from the bilateral relationship.

However, marriage does not take away all the freedoms of a person to access education, to have fun with friends and to do anything they wish because when people get married, their personal lives do not completely disappear. Spouses can continue their education and studies, meet their old friends, get together from time to time or go for a walk in a way that will not be contrary to religious and cultural values.

What matters is that a person should not neglect his life partner with whom he has found peace and should give her priority. In addition, the knowledge and consent of the spouse are important about the things one will do alone. Spouses can reach a consensus on these issues and find a common path while getting married.

In addition, when a woman gets married, she can travel more comfortably, go to the distant parts of the world, stay out until late at night, go to the forest, plateau and mountains when she is with her husband.

As it can be seen, a person becomes more free and secure through marriage from another point of view.

What an ultra-liberal or socialist segment means by “marriage restricts freedom” is that the person will no longer have intimate relations with anyone they want after the marriage contract. It is an apparently false freedom and its price will be very heavy both in this world and in the hereafter.

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