I am afraid of not being ready to get married, what should I do?

The Details of the Question

- I am afraid I do have the means to get married because I only work part time in a store for a relatively small wage.
- My mother has a dwelling that she rented out and she wants me to stay there for free, but the current tenant does not want to leave.
- My mother tells me that I am not mature yet and that I am bad-tempered, which means she does not allow me to get married; everything is very expensive; so is rent. Therefore, I cannot be brave enough to marry; I need her approval and financial help.
- I am afraid of not being ready to get married. I am 23 years old. I am a man. I also hope to receive an expensive education.
- What is your advice?

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

Marriage is encouraged by our religion both in the Quran and in the Sunnah. Your age is very suitable for marriage.

Do not forget that the first thing you should do when choosing a spouse is not to regard the beauty, financial and social status of your spouse, but her piety (taqwa), which is indispensable, religiousness and devoutness. This worldly life is short and consists of a test. Our real home is the eternal realm. And one of the most important factors that will affect our eternal realm will be the choice of a spouse.

Therefore, the indispensable quality of the person you want to marry must be taqwa.

After that, the approval the families of both the man and the woman is very important. If families have reservations about marriage, you should leave your “ego” aside and try to understand the reason for it since the parents of both parties will not want their children’s misery and unhappiness by cooperating; and we should not forget that the life experience of four people in their 40s and 50s is many times more than a person in his 20s.

If the mutual agreement is reached, the rest is only details. In other words, if the couples have taqwa and if their families give consent, it does not matter whether they have a little or a lot of wealth. Days with financial difficulties will be overcome by Allah’s leave, and with the means that we cannot know, especially from families and Lord.

As a matter of fact, our Lord states the following in the Quran:

“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things.” (an-Nur, 24/32)

We should say that your statement “I want to receive an expensive education” is not very appropriate because being expensive does not mean that it will be good and useful; similarly, being cheap or free does not mean that it is bad or harmful.

What matters here is whether you as a 23-year-old man really need such an education. What will you gain if you receive this education with great sacrifices? What will you lose if you do not receive it? Is it guaranteed?

We advise you to act regarding the issue by consulting with your family elders and family friends, who know you and your current material and moral conditions well, and whom you trust, and not to make an impulse decision regarding the issue, as in all issues.

While doing them, you should not neglect your request for help from our Lord by wishing the best for everything patiently and by performing prayers.

Do not forget that these questions, which seem like problems to you, are the questions, similar or different ones, experienced by millions of people your age.

What you and all the young people in your position need to do is, after doing what we have tried to summarize up to now, to say, “So, this is the best for us since our Lord has ordained it for us” and rely on Allah for the things that happen.

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