How do I abstain from masturbation successfully? Can You Enlighten Me About the Islamic Ruling on Masturbation, Its harms, Ways of Getting Rid of It?
Im am a 14 year old teenager that is about to go to high school, i need help on how to abstain masturbation and also Ramadan is coming near. Now i already tried ayahs, Surat, duos, and reading the Quran and they didn't worked pleas help me
Submitted by on Wed, 23/07/2008 - 08:50
Dear Brother / Sister,
We are living in an era in which To look at a woman whom to get marry with is permissible (prohibited to look at) decreases the sensibility of person towards prohibited actions. Especially those who cannot control themselves regard the situation as normal and permissible.
As a result, there occur some shortcomings in the physical and psychological system of a person.
In relation with this issue, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi (may God be pleased with him) states as follows.The prohibited glance (looking at what one should not) becomes common among the believers, sexual urge is provoked which results in prodigality because of abasement of the body. Ghusl (full ablution) becomes compulsory for him several times a week and therefore, according to scientists, his memory power weakens.
«Yes, indeed in this day and age, prodigality because of prohibited glance incited by bawdiness, a very common forgetfulness occurs especially in hot climates. More or less everybody is in this complaint. » 1
Prodigality sparking by not lowering the gaze is mostly done through nocturnal emission for the people who are overcome by their sexual desires. And some people fall to this prodigality in various forms. And among them, the masturbation is the most frequent way of seeking fulfillment of their lusts. Before anything else, this abnormal practice is observed among those whose determination is rather weak.
Our Almighty God orders to be virtuous to those who are not able to afford marriage though they are old enough: « Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace. » (Light- En Nur,33). 2
The method that our prophet advises the young people compressed by their evil commanding soul and sensual desires is the best. In this way, he both worships and can make self-control.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, 'O youth, whoever of you can afford to marry, let him marry, for it spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in adultery. And if he cannot afford, let him fast, for it is a shield against evil.' (Reported by Ibn-i Mesut)
Especially fasting, keeping yourself busy with Islamic and belief issues, keeping contact with the people that keep you away from sins are the best remedies in order to preserve the chastity of a person and not to commit bad deeds. It is because Devil sparks off you to illegitimate ways and your evil commanding soul and desires pressures on you. The most effective solutions so as to abate them are to keep your soul and heart busy with sacred things, and to choose pious friends.
According to majority of the scholars it is not permissible to fulfill your sexual desires with your hand. It is considered Haram. “Those who guard their sexual organs except with their spouses or those whom their right hands possess, for (with regard to them) they are without blame. But those who crave something beyond that are transgressors.” (Al-Mu'mun: 5-7). Commenting on these verses, some scholars of Shafi, Maliki and imam-i Nesefi hold the view that masturbation is unlawful (Haram). 5
They assert that if it was allowed, it would have been given a sample from the life of our prophet. Imam Ahmet bin Hanbel and Ibn-I Hazm regarded semen as an excretion of the body like other excrete, and permitted its expulsion the same way like blood letting is permitted. However Hanbeli jurists gave permission to masturbation under two conditions: first, the fear of lapsing in adultry, and the second is not to be able to afford marriage.
ibn-i Abidin reporting the opinions of Hanef-i School gives some assessments of some scholars concerning this subject. Fakih Ebulleys affirms that I hope it is no sin to relieve sexual desire for a person whose carnality becomes so dominant that it occupies him more than anything else, who is single or can’t be together with his wife for some reasons. However, he will be sinful when he does so just to tempt his sexual appetites. 6
Moreover Shurunbilali being one of the scholars of Hanefi Jurists is of the opinion that masturbation is excusable for an unmarried man to release his tension during the risk of adultery. He gains neither sin nor good deed because of it. But he shall be sinful if it is done merely for the sake of pleasure. (7)
According to common view taken by some scholars, a person facing the danger of lapsing in adultery and therefore resorting to masturbation which is the lesser of two evils can be seen excusable intending not to commit fornication, to avoid haram and save his chastity. On the other hand, making masturbation a habit would be rather bad deed for a reasonable person. Anyway, overdoing it causes the loss of memory and intelligence.
In order not to experience these abnormal circumstances, it is essential to study Islamic works so often, occupy the heart and mind with Islamic services, meditate about sublime things, recall death breaking and souring the worldly pleasures, lower the gaze and not to show inclination towards obscene publications.
1. Kastamonu Lahikasi (Kastamonu Addendum), p. 92.
2. Nur Surah, 33.
3. Ibni Mâce, Nikâh : 1.
4. Mü'minûn Sûrah, 5-6-7.
5. Tefsirü'n-Nesefî, 3:114.
6. Ibni Âbidin, 2:100, 3 :156.
7. Meraku'l-Felâh, p. 57.
Note: we recommend you to read the following writings.
Some Harms of Masturbation:
1) Pshycological Aspects:
1- There occurs some repentance, absent-mindedness and sense of inferiority among the people excessively fond of masturbation. Most of the time a sense of remorse and depression happen after each self indulgence. Recollecting the fact that it is an act being afar from maturity, the people resorting it will develop a sense of inferiority and feel demoralized.
2- Masturbation habit leads to some neurological disorders. Too much irritation trembles on hand and arm, dizziness, sleeplessness, debilitation on backs and feet and tiredness are produced due to masturbation.
3- The habit of masturbation deprives a person of love and affection. Love is basic need for human being therefore the success of sexual intercourse between spouses depends on the mutual affection and passion. Foundation of happiness in marriage is based on love affairs. The sole sexual intercourse of the couples does not bring happiness; by joining in each other through love and passion besides physical contact, they need to become good friends. And yet those who are addicted to masturbation can’t get their shares of love coming out soul’s deepness. It blunts the love of gem.
4- Excessive masturbation brings about weakness of memory, inattention and forgetfulness. Memorization becomes more difficult for person too much addictive of it. They forget easily what they have memorized. They lack full concentration while studying a subject. They can’t work out easily what they read. For this reason the students excessively devoted to it have difficulty with their lessons. Considering sperm is not ejected through masturbation, the children who are yet to reach puberty are not so much adversely affected as the adults do; nevertheless overdoing it prevents mental development and causes concussion of the brain and neurological trauma.
5- Lust dreams and sensual fancies of those occupying themselves with onanism escalate. Once lying on the bed, the young person who is used to making masturbation keeps his conscious busy with groundless sexual dreams. Hence he both gets more accustomed to it and can’t think of good deeds anymore.
2- Phsical, Sexual and Social Harms of Over Masturbation:
Usually men do it with their hands. They rarely do it in the form of rubbing on pillow or bed. Different types of devices are put on sale just following the pornography was released free in the western. Designed to exploit people materially, these devices triggers depression on the people using them. Sexology recommends abstaining from those types of habits.
Onanism drives man to extreme. As a matter of fact masturbation never fulfills his sexual urge, nor gives satisfaction or contentment. Leaving his lusts unsatisfied, it drives him wild and sparks more. Hence, sensual desires of those who continue it become gradually intensified and thereby they go beyond the bounds. And this boosts its harms. Excessive sexual intercourse is harmful and yet over masturbation is more hazardous.
Too much onanism can lead to various ailments and sufferings. Even though it is not giving rise to disease directly, it indirectly brings on them. It is because that frequent masturbation causing a great deal loss of blood which in return decreases the natural resistance of the body brings about some sorts of complaints and disorders.
The onanism addictives can not luxuriate from sexual intercourse. Those who are exteremely used to doing it don’t place the necessary emphasize on sexual intercourse with his spouse. They can’t take much pleasure out of it. This condition might be observed in men and women both of whom are fond of masturbation. Because both are hooked on this practice, they can’t be satisfied with the intercourse that they have with their spouses. Masturbation attracts them more. They don’t hesitate practicing it following the sexual intercourse.
Masturbation can’t give, even one out of ten, the delight of sexual intercourse; despite this, it may still be an affliction for the youth. Compared masturbation with intercourse, the former is dunghill and the latter is rose garden. The All-Knowing God creating both women and men has kneaded them with an art and so skillfully that the pleasure taken during the sexual intercourse can’t be satisfied with any other artificial form.
As a result of self-indulgence, the body gets exhausted and stress occurs. Nevertheless, a successful sexual act enables the body to rest and refresh the soul. Since intercourse contain some mutual affection, passion, excitement and certain forms of chemical electricity interchanges. Lacking all of these, masturbation also ousts precious chemicals from the body. Consequently, there appear depression and tiredness in lieu of freshness.
Including urinogenital disorders and other disturbances, the act of masturbation causes incontinence being one of the most frequently encountered complaints of men throughout marriage life. Premature ejaculation means coming too quickly of the sperm during penetration. Rapid climax of man leaves woman unsatisfied. If this condition goes on, it brings forth uneasiness between the married couples. There are several factors for premature climax and onanism is among the leading causes. One cure of getting rid of it is to quit masturbation.
Over masturbation practice may result in sexual frigidity for the women. Frigidity is that woman does not get pleasure from intercourse and her unwillingness for it. One of the various causes of this frigidity is masturbation habit.
The strange point concerning this matter is that these people maintain this addiction even after marriage. They don’t pay attention to their spouses during the sexual acts being one of the most crucial marriage responsibilities. In the end, married couples lose their love to each other. The people enjoying to release their sexual lust by themselves prefer solitary places, always wish to be alone and play this bad game whenever they find opportunity.
The girls who masturbate by inserting some sorts of devices into their vagina might deflower their virginity. In medicine history, many cases were frequently observed for some substances remain inside and in turn necessitate surgical operation.
Some masturbation addictive young people cause other people to practice it as well. On top of their practicing this vile act, they bring on this malady to spread among many children and young people of the society.
A further detriment of masturbation is that married couples don’t nourish prurience and abhor each other inasmuch as the masturbation-addictive person fulfills his sexual lusts with other means. That means, they can’t find their expectations from each other and as a result they are disappointed. They fall out with each other and search for other satisfaction means. They might pursue illegitimate ways.
The truth concerning masturbation revealed by the scientists after a long research is that those continuing excessive masturbation are liable to develop hazardous mental illnesses. These are as follows: forgetfulness, weak determination, dysmnesia, preference for solitude, anxiety, being sorrowful, envisaging committing some sorts of crimes, suicide.
Likewise a certain number of attributes and bad habits that assault some perceptions impoverish the willpower, damage personality.
As regards to the decrees on masturbation ruled by Islamic law considering evil outcomes of masturbation, the following verses confirm this.
a) The Almighty God decrees that:
"Those who guard their sexual organs except with their spouses or those whom their right hands posses, for they are without blame. But those who crave something beyond that are transgressors.’’ (Mü'minun: 6-7)
The overall message of this verse is that “those who crave something beyond that are transgressors."
In that case fulfillment of sexual desires outside the framework of marriage and such extremes and repulsivenesses as committing adultery, homosexuality and masturbating with hand mean transgressing the boundaries.
The Cures to Abandon Masturbation
A) Getting married when reaching adolescence
This is the sharpest treatment to curb this vile habit. At the same time, it is the most natural remedy.
B) Voluntary Fasting
If there are some hurdles for not being able to marry at an early age, Islam advises the people who can’t afford marriage to fast. Because fasting curbs the density of sexual appetite, lessens lust, lowers sensual feelings; at the same time it both consolidates and inspires the thought that God Almighty is always watching him. It reminds the fear of God with respect. With regard to this issue, our Prophet is reported to have said that “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guards his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual desire." Bukhari: 5066
C) Shunning the Places and Publications Tempting Sexual Thoughts
In the present time our society is bombarded with a plenty of spoiled, dirty and non-ethical presses and publications that degenerate morals of the youngsters. It is certain that this young human will get lost in quagmire, deviate from the true path, become deeply perplexed should he is inclined to those disgraceful mischief. His morality erodes, goes astray, becomes like a wild or tiro animal unaware of where it is heading to or what it is doing.
In that case, the responsibility of the educators is to give them advices, to work hard in order to provide them with the essential means that will warn and discourage them from doing so. This liability should be undertaken not only by the educators but also by everyone taking on the obligation to educate them. They must often indoctrinate them with the fact that looking at half naked woman, girls walking flirtatiously, females displaying their fleshes; reading magazines and novels arousing sexual sensations; listening to musical instruments and songs drawing our feelings into temptation and sensuality all keep us busy with superfluous fancies in the place of serious matters.
It is because that these publications ruin morals, impoverish the memory power, tempt sexual urges and spoil the personality.
D) Using One's Available Leisure Time in Beneficial Activities
According to educators, once a young is sitting idle and not engaged in something, they will be lost in devastating thoughts and dream of fantasies; ponder over sexual issues. As a result, if he has reached adulthood then his concupiscence will inevitably arise. At this point, failing to find other means so as to gratify his lust, he will be apt to masturbation and maintain it. Since he can only tranquilize the fierceness of his sexual appetite through masturbation.
Then what should we do in order to prevent them from these dreams and fantasies and what might be the reasonable treatments for them? The possible cures can be as follows:
First of all, we should instruct the teenagers about how to utilize from time, and how to make good use of the free time to a great extend.
In order to take advantage of free time, there are lots of worthwhile books, periodicals, and magazines and so forth. Besides, it should be instilled them on condition that they are accompanied with reliable and pious friends, they should make some healthy and useful sports strengthening body, making stronger the muscles and so on. Moreover, getting used to reading very beneficial books enhances their knowledge and broadens their horizons. In addition to it, we should not neglect of encouraging them to learn some handworks, handicrafts, letting them attend religious lessons and conversations improving morals.
Apart from these, we should pay significant care to urge them spending their time on activities that will clear and foster their minds, purify their souls, exalt the moral of them. In order to realize these objectives, it is beneficial to occupy the mind always with sublime matters, intensify the mind, heart and sensations with positive and efficient studies, always bearing in mind the goal of creation, reasoning the meaning of death and life, directing all time and energy into activities that leave no room for evil thoughts, getting them accustomed to helpful hobbies and habits.
E) Selecting Decent, Well-Mannered and Amicable Companions
One of the points that educators should concentrate on is that they are to seek and select well-behaved, pious friends for the young children who have just reached to adulthood. These friends remind them when they deviate away from the right path, guard them from erring; they abet his friends when they try to remain good; they solace them and consolidate their determinations when they face with a calamity.
It might be complained about that friends with these qualities are very rare, especially in our present time they are so few that one can count them on the fingers of his hand. Unfortunately that is the case, and yet it is possible to find these few fellows in almost everywhere, they are recognized through their faces, they have prostration signs over their foreheads; they are distinguished from the rest of the persons thanks to their virtuous manners.
Then it would be very nice for a youngster to find these companions and establish friendships with them. By this means, they assist him against dissipation and corruption of the life, constitute a community worthy of telling secret.
Without any doubt a man is upon the religion of his friend. A friend imitates his close companion in many respects. The birds only join in the bird groups similar to each other in shape. Our prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon Him) said: "The man is upon the religion of his friend. So each one of you should look carefully at the one he has taken as a friend. “(Tirmizi)
It is a well known fact that the person adopting the company of immoral, sinful, rebellious and mischievous people will be eventually perverted by them, be dragged into swamps and deep holes, they constitute friendships with him only for the sake of self interests, they come close with him by reason of worldly benefits.
Therefore our youth should stay away from such wicked friends, abstain from forming friendships with evil humans. What a happiness it is to find a pious companion, a righteous community! A friendship is like as a means for happiness in this world and hereafter, a cause to be saved in the next world. Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, said in the Noble Book:
"Friends on that day will be foes, one to another,- except the Righteous. "
F-Scholarly and Religious Deeds for Treatment
1-Profitable and serious books should be read instead of the unnecessary works stimulating lust. The feelings and thoughts of a person are affected more or less with books he reads. To illustrate, should a person keep on reading about epic works for a while, he will develop some heroic sensations. There arouses an inclination within a man reading ethical works towards obeying morality principles. Reading romances, a man feels like falling in love.
2- Tightfitting pants or shorts should be avoided. The dresses so tight that put pressure on their sexual parts stir sexual wishes. This urges the young to masturbation. After all, narrow garments disturb and cause some troublesome to him. Those who are careful with their healthiness should not wear very tightfitting dresses.
3- Hairs of private parts should be shaved within two or three weeks or at least once a month. Otherwise there occurs some itches as a result of their growing.
4- Keep your legs apart as much as possible. Since if sexual organ not squeezed, lust can be taken under control more easily.
5-If any need for micturate arises while sleeping, it should be discharged as quick as possible. When urine waits to be discharged, the sensual desires arouse together with it. In this case, any masturbation wish might be provoked for the youngster. Then, becoming quick to wake up and discharging urine is a judicious precaution.
6- When lust is incited and any masturbation inclination arises, a good cure to tranquilize it is to wash the sexual organ with cold water thoroughly.
Going into the bathroom for taking a bath, the adults are facing with masturbation danger many times as the conditions are much convenient there. The best solution, here, to overcome this peril is firstly to wash the parts below the waist immediately, even to have a shower with cold water if possible. Thereafter, you should follow the necessary steps for taking bath. Reproduction parts should not be touched before these precautions. Though not being a problem for those who are able to predominate their carnalities, the people defeated by their sexual desires must be careful with these matters.
Now and then an ache happens-most probably due to over concentration of the blood- on the groin parts of the young people when they run across with a condition which highly sparks their lusts. This pain sometimes becomes so intense that it renders walking difficult. In this situation if ejaculation is done, the suffering disappears; but that is not necessary. If groin parts exposed to cold water or a bath taken, this trouble will fade out automatically within a few hours.
7- Occupy yourself with a work, do not become aimless and idle. In general, the fondest of masturbation are the people having nothing or little to do.
8- Engaging in sport activities. Every young person should absolutely do at least one sport appropriate to him. Watching football match is not a sport.
9- It would be better not to eat much the lust-enhancing foods such as hazelnut, pistachio nut, chocolate, banana and so on during bachelorhood years.
10- Stay away from sexually inciting talking. Unfortunately! Majority of the teenagers and adults are curious about sexual conversations. Therefore their private parts always attract them. Despite everything, the topics tempting sexuality should be ousted.
11- The unmarried people unable to abandon masturbation at all should get married when they grow up and can afford it. Nevertheless, they should give up this vile habit without fail after getting married. Marriage is basic, however carrying out the requirements is difficult.
G) From the Family Aspect
1- Having continued to act of masturbation during bachelorhood years, the people should give the required importance to sexual life in their marriages and should absolutely quit it. It is a well known fact that some don’t attach importance to the sexual needs of their mates on the grounds that they go on practicing masturbation even in their marriage lives. No matter if it may be woman or man, continuation the act of onanism after marriage is completely abnormal and imposes a great danger to the happiness of family happiness.
2- It should be conceived by the people who masturbated excessively before marriage that it is doltishness to waste their times in midden while there is flower garden waiting for them.
3- Preventive guides should be provided with the children who are yet in puberty. As the stage to be fallen into masturbation trap mostly begins at puberty, it is essential to offer them aidful recommendations and not to let them remain ignorant of such points. But these matters are so delicate. These instructions should not be in the quality that will incite sexual passions but should be intended merely for informing purposes that will secure them against all evil and harmful sexual factors. And its basement should rely on Islamic bringing up the child.
4-Don’t give free rein to children, and be cautious with their friends with whom they are keeping company. Since the wicked habits like masturbation are largely infected by the mischievous children around them.
5- Those compulsorily spending their time in hospitals or prisons should comprehend that it is no use of masturbation but to distress them more. It is acknowledged that masturbation causes grief and boredom on the human psychology. Then, the already sad people should flee from intensifying their troubles and worries more.
6- The adults should be inculcated about the harms and ways for protection against masturbation by obeying the realities. On condition you don’t frighten and dismay them much, you should teach them the important truths regarding masturbation in scholarly and moral qualities. Mostly this is incumbent on doctors and educators.
H) Religious and Spiritual Curatives
1-That masturbating is a sin and subject to divine penalty unless complusory cases should be realized.
2-It is a virtue for a man to make his spiritual side sounder by being a bit more patient and as a result overcoming the passion for masturbation instead of declining his spirituality by practicing masturbation which leads astray.
3- Considering that fasting plays a great role in cooling down the sensual sensations, sometimes it is possible to avoid the practice of masturbation by the virtue of fasting. Thus, it can be acquired both the merit fasting and repulsing onanism.
4-While misbehaving by masturbating, it should not be forgotten that our behaviors are being watched by God Almighty and Angels; unless we are compelled, it should be felt the shame of being seen by them in this state.
There exists no certain treatment for masturbation except for marriage. However, concerning this matter having a good grasp of facts and abiding by the protective cures, one can restrain himself from it. Hence domination over your willpower and sexual senses is the first stipulation.
In conclusion masturbation is such a bad habit that the more you keep it doing, the more it hooks you, and once relinquished its evilness declines. Not practicing it at all is the sole and the most ideal recommendation. The masturbations practiced at a push involuntarily should not reach such extend to prevent wet dreams occurring in between some weeks. As the natural and healthy way of releasing sexual tension is indigenous wet dreams happening at regular intervals during bachelorhood years.
I) Learning Scientific Advises, Using Preventive Medicine
One of the points that the doctors persistently emphasize in order to lessen the affect of stimulation and to stop lust is to abide by the following suggestions:
1-Increase having cold baths in summer and pour cold water on the reproductive organs frequently in other seasons
2-Engage in sports and persistently pay special attention to physical exercises
3-Abstain from spices and all types of food that incite the sexual drive
4-Give up or cut down on the invigorating beverages such as tea, coffee and so forth
5- Reduce intake of meat and eggs to a minimum
6-Do not lie down on your stomach or flat on the back. Instead lie on your right side turning to qiplah (direction of Mecca) in compliance with Sunnah.
J) Fear of Allah Almighty
It is beyond doubt that a man will take account of his every act, will fear omission of a duty or a service, of being transgressor or going astray, if he thinks of that Allah is always watching him and is aware of everything that he does, no matter if they are apparent or hidden. If the idea is rooted in a person that The Almighty God is constantly watching him, Allah will call him to account because of his sins, going beyond the boundaries, He will punish him due to his disobedience then he will, without any doubt, shun all kinds of destroying acts, misbehaviors and perversities.
As known, it will increase the fear of Allah, amplify the respect and love of Allah that attending the gatherings in which Allah is eulogized, enduring compulsory and voluntary prayers, rising in the latter portion of the night for the night prayer (tahajjud Salah) while the rest are asleep, performing optional fasts, listening to the chronicles, services, manners and virtues of the companions of our prophet, making friendship with the eximious people, keeping contact with the righteous, remembering the death and the next world. Also, these considerations let him know that He is absolute Watcher and by these meanings, man will be more conscious and cautious before Him.
Then what is worthy of a faithful young is:
To follow the right path by strengthening the conviction that Allah is always supervising him, to root in his heart fear, love and respect of Allah. In order that, lots of trivial things do not divert him from the destination to which he is heading. He is not assaulted by the deceptive, seductive amusements of the world. Hence he should take as guidance the following two orders of Allah:
“And Hell-Fire shall be placed in full view for him who sees- Then, for such as had transgressed all bounds, And had preferred the life of this world, The Abode will be Hell-Fire;And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower Desires, Their abode will be the Garden.” (Those Who Tear Out (An-Náziàát), 37-41)
Questions on Islam
- Is it a sin for the wife and husband to avoid having intercourse with each other? Can a man or woman reject the sexual desire of their spouses when they are sick?
- How should we inform our children about sexuality?
- Is it necessary for relatives and family friends to sit separately (men and women in separate places/rooms)? How should a man act when one of his adult sisters-in-law stays in his house for the night?
- Special File of Sexuality Test
- can a sunni girl can marry to a shia boy?
- Who has the right of divorce?
- What does it mean to love and to hate for the sake of Allah? What should one understand from it? How should one love and hate for the sake of Allah?
- Can having little income be regarded as a barrier to marriage?