Is it religiously allowed to marry without the permission of Parents?
Submitted by on Wed, 11/03/2009 - 09:27
Dear Brother / Sister,
According to the Islamic laws, there are some conditions for the validity of the marriage. One of the conditions is that the couple should have the consent of the woman’s parent. This rule is accepted by three sects except Hanefi. The permission of the parents for the marriage is a “rukn” and condition (şart) for Hanbeli. According to all three sects, the marriage done without the permission of woman’s parents is invalid.
According to the sect Hanefi, the girls who didn’t reach adolescence, who are very immature that they can’t live on their own and those who are senile can’t marry without permission. People apart from those can marry without permissions of their parents, because, the word of the woman is binding in the marriage.
This is a rule of fiqh but, it is an Islamic tradition and family customs, it is the best decision to have the permission of the parents. Normally, people take permission of parents in marriage; they are first consulted and talked apart from some exceptions. When they have the opinion and the consent of the girl, they begin preparations for the marriage.
According to the three sects except Hanefi, the parents, which are rukn of the marriage, are in a position of “compelling parents”. In order; father, grandfather, mom-dad, brother become “compelling parents”. Actually these people can make a virgin girl marry without the permission of her.
This rule may seem absolute, but it has some exceptions and conditions. For example, when these five conditions occur, a woman can marry without permission on her own decisions. These conditions are:
1-When there is any kind of enmity between the woman and the parents of the men.
2-When there is any kind of enmity between the woman and the men' s ancestors
3-When the man is so poor that he can’t give “mihr” (livelihood)
4- When the man is so poor that he can’t give “mehri misil” (similar to mihr)
5-When the man is blind or very old.
In such situations, even if the parents use their authority, the marriage can’t be valid. Because it is clear that the woman will be in a difficult position, that she will have unrest and bad times. The main aim of the marriage is living in happiness and the family’s being the house of bliss.
According to the sect of Shafii, when a man wishes to marry a woman and the girl accepts but the parent objects to it and tries to hinder the marriage, they will be responsible and loses their position of parenthood. And again a proper man wishes to marry a woman but the father demands a very high “başlık” (money paid by the bridegroom to the bride’s family) as it happens in eastern parts of our country, he cant be compelling parent, his parenthood is ignored. The permission of him is not necessary anymore. If possible, people help them marry. If the parent tries to hinder it he gets into a great responsibility. These bad events happen in places where “başlık” is common and parents bring about some sins and unrest by using their position of parenthood.
It depends on the sect that the permission of parents is included in the conditions of the marriage. But it is important in the respect of traditions and family’s own conditions. Sometimes a woman marries a man and can’t see some facts and can’t think clearly because she is inexperienced, she insists on marrying an improper man. But some time later, she realizes that her husband is improper for her and a continuous unrest begins to occur.
In such situations, the permission of the parents is an Islamic necessity and is suitable for respect to elders. But sometimes, as we mentioned above, the man and the woman who want to marry may be in harmony in respect of interest, idea and character. And the father objects to the marriage by having some prejudices about the man, in this situation it will be better to ignore him. According to the sect Hanefi the marriage is valid, so no need to have permission of him.
1. Hukuk-i islâmiye ve Istılâhat-ı Fıkhiyye Kamusu, 2: 55-8.
2. el-Ümm, 5: 20; Şafiî ilmihali, s. 443.
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