Hijab Conflict with Non-muslim mother.

The Details of the Question
Assalamu Aleikum I am a 19 year old sister who has been a muslim for one year alhumdulilah. My mother is a christian and even though I have explained to her about hijab and asked her over and over if I can wear it she always says no. She said i could wear it when im 21. If I try to walk out the house with it on she threatens to become physical with me and even punch me in the face!.. should I fight her to wear hijab, wear it in secret or just wait until I turn 21 to wear it?
The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

First of all, not being obedient and not rebelling are not the same things. A Muslim boy or girl cannot say evil things and shows attitudes to upset his/her parents; on the other hand, if they ask for any things contrary to Allah’s orders and bans, they are not abided by. Therefore, a Muslim girl dresses up in accordance with Islamic tradition, but she should never answer back her mother regarding tasattur (for a woman to cover her head and her body) issue. She should try to satisfy her mother’s mind and heart by explaining the issue with a smiling face.
Narrated by Asma' bint Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased wıth her):
“My mother came to me, hoping (for my favor) during the lifetime of the Prophet. I asked the Prophet about how I should treat her, " My mother has come. Shall I treat her kindly?" He replied, "Yes."." (Bukhari, Hiba 28, Adab 8, Muslim, Zakat 50 (1003); Abu Dawud, Zakat, 34 (1668)
There are many arguments on Esma’s mother who is mentioned in Hadith (saying or tradition of the Prophet Muhammad). For us, the judgement that the Hadith states is essential. It is understood from the hadith that it is necessary to show our humanitarian responsibilties, respect to our parents, even if they are infidels. As a matter of fact, to be incumbent on giving livelihood to the parents even if they are infidels, is concluded from this Hadith.
The importance of the issue of giving respect and livelihood to parents even if they are infidels is understood from the fact that the revelation came after that Hadith and it is ruled in the Qur’an. “God does not forbid you, as regards those who do not make war against you on account of your Religion, nor drive you away from your homes, to be kindly to them, and act towards them with equity. God surely loves the scrupulously equitable.” (the Qur’an, Mumtahina (the Examined One), 8)
The following verse is more obvious about being respectful to parents even if they are mushrik (a person who assigns partners to Allah):

“But if they strive with you to make you associate with Me something of which you certainly have no knowledge (and which is absolutely contrary to Knowledge), do not obey them. Even then, treat them with kindness and due consideration in respect of (the life of) this world. Follow the way of him who has turned to...”  (the Qur’an, Luqman, 15)
According to those statements, the requirement of showing respect and esteem to Muslim parents even they are as very sinful is automatically comprehended.
Obedience and rebelling are different things. Absolute obedience on parents is commanded as long as there is no disobedience to Allah. So, accomplishing all their wishes, which are not contrary to Allah’s command, is required. Their wishes contrary to Allah’s orders cannot be obeyed. However, the respect and esteem should continue.
Allah is the One who converts hearts and we need to turn towards Him. The fondness, esteem, and respect of children for their parents may lead to softening of their hearts. The goal and intention must be to gain them.
Our religion has accepted maternal aunt and maternal uncle as in the place of mother, and also paternal aunt and uncle as in father’s position. For this reason, to respect and esteem them is considered as if it is done for parents. Their prohibited wills are not abided by; however, it is necessary to show them respect and esteem; and visiting them is also necessary.
As for the other relatives, stopping visiting relatives is not right. Instead of stopping visiting relatives even if they are evil doers, we need to try to treat them.
Everybody can act like a brother with good people in good days. Acting like a brother at the most difficult times and not abandoning his brothers with their sins and evils is important. That exposes what a real loyalty and friendship is.
Working as much as possible to recover some faults, based on belief and failures in terms of Islamic way of living, of our relatives is our responsibility; and endeavoring to warm our relatives to the reality and justice is also our responsibility.
The recommendation of God Almighty to the Prophet is clear:  “And (O Messenger) warn your nearest kinsfolk”. (the Qur’an, The Poets, 214) This divine recommendation is valid for everyone, isn’t it?

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