Could you please give information about Resentment?

The Details of the Question
Could you please give information about Resentment? Please give me references from the hadiths and other sources. Thanks...
The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

Being crossed, to sulk, the state of offence; not talking to someone.

The state of resentment is considered valid in Islam, taking into consideration that there can be controversy on any issue between believers; however, it is stated that it must not last more than three days. (Bukhari, Adab, 57, 62; Muslim, Birr, 23, 25).

It is for ordinary daily issues. Moreover, there is a kind of resentment called “breaking relations off with someone” which is done against rebels and ones who insist on committing sins. There can be no resentment among Muslims who live in Islamic countries. If there is resentment, the following order of Allah’s must be applied: “The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: So make peace and reconciliation between your two (contending) brothers; and fear God, that ye may receive Mercy.” (al-Hujurat, 49/10).

The Prophet (pbuh) says:

It is not permissible for a one to be crossed with his/her brother/sister more than three days. When two believers come across each other, they turn their faces away. However, the better of those two Muslims is the one who greets the other first.” (Tajrid-i Sarih Translation, XII, 145).

As for breaking the relations off with someone, it is a kind of behavior against cruel ones. None of the Muslims talked to three people called Ka’b ibn Malik, Murara, Ibn Rabi and Hilal ibn Umayya for fifty days with the order of the Prophet because they did not attend the war in Tabuk; they did not even salute them and they did not respond their salutations. They did not smile at them and they were totally expelled. Kab, who could not attend the war of Jihad against infidels, tells about the sad event that he experienced as follows:

“… Then the Messenger of Allah forbad believers to talk to us. Nobody talked to three of us who did not attend the war. We were excluded by everyone. At that time, the earth seemed so small and meaningless to me…” those people regretted what they had done and repented when they were expelled from the community. Finally, Allah, the Glorious, forgave them and sent down this verse about them:

“(He turned in mercy also) to the three who were left behind; (they felt guilty) to such a degree that the earth seemed constrained to them, for all its spaciousness, and their (very) souls seemed straitened to them,- and they perceived that there is no fleeing from God (and no refuge) but to Himself. Then He turned to them, that they might repent: for God is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.” (at-Tawbah, 9/118).

After that verse was sent down; those three people, who were expelled from the community, reunited with them in great joy. (to read the entire text of the hadith and the event, see Bukhari, Maghazi, Ghazwah Tabuk).

The event shows that Muslims form a unity in Islamic community. They hold on to Allah’s orders in unity. The ones who oppose to the unity of religion are expelled from the community. This event experienced by Ka’b and his friends also indicate to the importance of a sincere communication system in Islamic communities, to the clearness and preciseness that should be in believers’ concept of community, who are connected to each other with brotherhood and friendship, to the importance of facing up the responsibilities of faith, appreciating the orders and the importance of obeying without any objection within the lawful limits and how one becomes regretful when expelled by other Muslims.

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) forbade Muslims to hate each other, to break the relations off with each other and to mock at each other (Bukhari, Adab 57; Muslim, Birri 24, 28; Tirmidhi, Qiyamah, 54). Knowing that there will be some controversy amongst people in Islamic community, the Messenger of Allah ordered believers not to stay crossed with each other more than three days. The Messenger of Allah indicated that it would cause believers to feel hatred for each other if they stayed crossed with each other more than three days and that controversy would eventually even lead to conflicts.

Resentment may occur due to anger and words uttered in an argument between unconscious believers who cannot control what they say and what they do, and it can also occur due to gossip, fighting and swearing one another. There is controversy among believers today because the differences in sects, characters and views have turned into narrow-mindedness and fanaticism in our day. In conclusion, whoever complies with the way of The Messenger of Allah has to abandon ignorance, rudeness, narrow-mindedness and fanatical adherence. Muslims who comply with it can never stay crossed with each other. (also see: Taqwa, Sulh, Hasad, Kibr, Adab, Akhlaq).


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