Can a man ask his wife for help to take care of his mother?

The Details of the Question

Can a man ask his wife to help him take care of his mother, who is very weak, sick and bedridden? I am married and have two small children. My mother has been bedridden for the past two years since the start of Covid-19. In this pandemic crisis, I could not find a nurse for my mother and could not pay the fee, especially when there was a lockdown. I was also conscious of the danger of spreading the virus; so, I avoided summoning anyone home for help. I could only lift my mother, make her sit upright, and carry her to the toilet. I always had to call my wife for help to wash her; but during this process, I always tried to clean her bottom myself when it was necessary. In addition, I helped my wife with cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare just to give my wife enough rest and always appreciated her kindness and provided basic needs. As soon as the curfew ended, I hired a nurse for my mother. Now my married sister and nurse take care of my mother. My mother-in-law criticizes me for what my wife did for my mother. Whenever I complain to my wife or try to explain anything, she reminds me of the “great favor” she did; it is my weak spot. It feels as if I have committed a sin.

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

Forcing a person to do a job or a deed is done with the threat of causing material and spiritual harm if he does not do it.

If your spouse or someone else – who is not responsible for your mother – gives voluntary service without such a threat, it is regarded as an Islamic behavior.

There are enough verses and hadiths to form a small book on the value of a Muslim’s helping another Muslim; such help is regarded as a deed of worship.

If a person does something for the sake of Allah and then rubs someone’s nose in it, it is not regarded as an Islamic behavior.

Questions on Islam

Was this answer helpful?
Author:
Questions on Islam
Subject Categories:
Read 7 times
In order to make a comment, please login or register