What is the Islamic way of scolding someone in order to prevent him from overstepping the limit?

The Details of the Question

- There are some people who do not follow the treatment way of good behavior. Sometimes we need to scold our children due to their mistakes.
1) How should we scold them so that they would understand their mistakes correctly and would not regard it as cruelty?
2) How did Umar (ra) and Abu Bakr (ra) tell their daughters about their mistakes about loving worldly possessions very much?
3) How did they teach them to be supportive wives so as not to hurt the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) by keeping the worldly life in the foreground?

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

Answer 1:

Scolding should not contain words of insult and curse in general. Since not every child has the same temperament, we should give advice according to the temperament of the child to the extent that we know it.

The attitudes and behaviors of the parents in the family also play an important role in this regard.

The words of parents who treat their children too familiarly might not have much effect on the child. It is proven with experience that even beatings of some parents do not affect the child but only a hard glance of some parents is enough to get the required result.

That is to say, the method of training should not be based on instant reflexes, but behaviors displayed constantly.

While parents should show sincerity, love and compassion towards children strongly, they should also signal that they do not like their children’s immoral attitudes and behaviors.

Answers 2 and 3:

Two things included in high ethics are very important in Islam:

Respect for Allah and compassion toward creatures.

We think that the words of the father to his children and the words of the husband to his wife in the way Allah has shown are also valid as long as we think deeply and learn lessons. That is, we should make the balance of the world and the hereafter well and show it to our addressees.

It will definitely not happen all at once; on the contrary, it requires a continuous process. We think that some of the statements and determinations in the first answer will help us.

The meaning of the verses regarding the issue is as follows:

“O Prophet! Say to thy Consorts: ‘If it be that ye desire the life of this World, and its glitter,- then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner. But if ye seek Allah and His Messenger, and the Home of the Hereafter, verily Allah has prepared for the well-doers amongst you a great reward.’“ (al-Ahzab, 33/28-29)

According a narration, when the Prophet (pbuh) got angry with his wives, who found the alimony to be low, and retired to an arbor alone, Umar (ra) visited him and talked to him. Then, Umar (ra) went to his daughter Hafsa (ra) and said, “When you need something, tell me.” Then, he went to Aisha (ra) and said to her, “Being a beautiful woman and having gained the love of your husband (the Prophet-pbuh-) should not make you conceited... Either you will give up your desires and wishes (that hurt the Prophet) or Quranic verses will be revealed about you.” (Tabari, the interpretation of al-Ahzab 33/28).

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