My father bedamned me unjustly. Can his curse come true?

Details of the Question

My father have done all sorts of bad deeds to our family, but I still act respectfully toward him. However, when he beat my brother very hard (which was not his first clobbering) until he left the house, I shouted, “That is enough. I will stab you.” Then, my father pretended to abandon home but my family prevented him. I said, “Let him go.” He said, “I disown you.” Then, he bedamned me and cursed me.

This man, my father, ruined our lives. I do not normally disrespect him but I just cannot control myself when he beats my brother or my mother. I fear they will be harmed. Can his curse come true? I really fear that his curse will come true. Please help me.

He always swears at my brother. He does not work. And yet I respect him. However, I shouted at him yesterday.

My father even walked all over his own mother in the past. However, when we remind him of it he says he never treated her as we treated him. I am tired of living now; he is not a normal person. He has affected all of us badly. We have prayed for him for years but he has not improved. I really fear that his curse will come true.

How should we treat him? What do you recommend us to do?

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

First of all, we should not forget that we are in a world of testing. Some people are tested through poverty, some through wealth, some through their children, some through the people around and some through their parents.

What we need to do in such situations is not to obey Satan and our souls, to forgive and to control our fury. The following is stated in a verse:

“Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah loves those who do good;-.” (Aal-i Imran 134)

If the people who infuriate us are our parents, the following is stated in a verse about them:

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.” (al-Isra 23)

We must not fulfill the demands of our parents that are contrary to Islam even if they are believers. However, we should treat them well and speak to them nicely. Even if they insult us, we should control ourselves and should not insult them.

However, if your mother or father treats your siblings badly, you should warn her or him using soft words. If they insist on acting like that, you should take action in accordance with our religion and traditions, and do your best to protect the ones that are oppressed.

We should pray for them patiently without skipping any daily prayers and by acting in accordance with Allah’s orders and prohibitions. They will improve after a while inshallah. Allah will definitely save His slave who worship him properly especially if he is oppressed. 

The following is stated in the Quran:

“O ye who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere.” (al-Baqara 153)

For, God Almighty tests us all the time:

“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":- 157 They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance..” (al-Baqara 155-157)

“Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. Do those who practise evil think that they will get the better of Us? Evil is their judgment!” (al-Ankebut 2-4)

As for bedamning/cursing and violation of personal rights of people:

If a person bedamns though his rights are not violated or without a justifiable reason and if he says, “I do not give my blessings”, it is of no value in the eye of Allah.  On the contrary, unjust curses might return to the person who curses.

Allah leaves the door of repentance open even for those people. However, such a person needs to establish a contact with his Lord sincerely.  

We should view events and incidents from this broad perspective.

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