How Should We Give Religious and Moral Education to Children?

Dear Brother / Sister,

Perhaps the first thing to say about RELIGIOUS EDUCATION is that this concept is used in different meanings by different circles. Some understand religious education as only the education provided in schools or Quran schools. Thinking this way, they can suggest that religious education should be given to a child after the age of fifteen. However, ideal religious education has a much broader framework than this definition.

In Islam, religious education, from one perspective, begins from the moment a child is born; from another perspective, it starts even earlier, with the choice of a spouse. Religious scholars, who initiate this education with the choice of a spouse, justifiably argue that if a suitable partner is not chosen, the stones in the home, which is the child's first and fundamental school, will never fall into place properly.

According to our religion, education is not something confined only within the walls of schools, only to homes, or to a certain age; it rather has a "lifelong and everywhere" nature.

From this viewpoint, everything given to a child from the moment of birth falls within the scope of education. Breastfeeding, changing diapers, being cuddled, and being loved are all parts of this education. The answer our religion would give to a question about what counts as education would be: "Everything that affects a child's emotions, thoughts, physical development, closeness to Allah, and whether they will grow up to be a mature believer." Therefore, before teachers at school, parents at home must realize that they are the most important "educators" for their child.

Current knowledge in developmental psychology also is in line with this view. Experts emphasize that the education of a child between the ages of 0-7 must never be neglected. Particularly, the notion that "a small child understands nothing" is a very incorrect inference. The child, whom we think understands nothing, fills their memory with words and conversations of their parents until they are one year old. Then, as they approach the completion of their first year, they attempt to use the words they have stored in their memory. They succeed in this with words that are easy to pronounce.

During this period, the fact that a child begins to talk and their attempts to crawl and walk also indicate that they are always engaged in a "learning activity".

Moreover, according to some psychologists, the character of a child, which will last throughout their life, is formed in the first four years, according to others, in the first seven years. This is a significant observation. Therefore, what psychologists describe as "moral development" must be correctly imparted to the child in terms of beliefs and moral principles because these rules also foster the development of an internal control power known as conscience. The development of internal control power means the ability of a child to govern themselves. The external control power formed by family and environmental factors reduces its influence parallel to the development of internal control.

After a child begins to understand speech in their early years, the first thing to teach them for a healthy development of religious feelings and thoughts should be the phrase "La ilaha illallah" as commanded by our beloved Prophet (pbuh). Starting life with this mysterious and awe-inspiring truth that expresses the existence and unity of Allah means that the child, at a very young age, has passed the most serious initial phase of preparation for the purpose of creation. Families must never neglect this issue.

From the period when a child takes their first steps, learns to walk by falling and getting up, and becomes a source of joy for the family by uttering half-formed words, "games" should never be neglected. In this process, the directive of our beloved Prophet (pbuh), "Let those who have children act like children!.." (see Daylami, 3/513) should be adopted as a principle by parents, and special effort should be made to entertain children and play with them.

It is because playing games is the most beloved activity of children. Playing games with children by parents and other family members not only forms a solid foundation for relationships within the family but also significantly contributes to the intellectual and psychological development of the child. Our unique leader, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), not only encouraged children to play and be entertained but also played with them himself, lifted his grandchildren on his shoulders and back, and hence made them laugh and enjoy themselves, fully highlighting the importance of playing.

During this period when a child's perception increases and their character begins to form, the child will become acquainted with the rituals of prayer and supplication by observing their parents. In this period, where imitation is generally prevalent, parents must set a very good example. If parents do not serve as role models in giving religious education, the chances of success are quite weak because family members who cannot serve as examples cannot possibly provide religious education to a child; and even if they did, it would not be effective.

The most ideal method in religious education and teaching is to worship together with the child, help them understand the importance of worship in a language they can understand, and encourage them to engage in worship. During the child's education, their psychological state should not be overlooked. Instead of using frightening examples, appealing and encouraging examples should be given continuously until adolescence.

In this period, tolerance and forbearance are highlighted as key factors, while communication with the child should be strengthened through body language and the allure of loving words should be used. Words filled with love, beautiful phrases, and words laden with praise and compliments will help solidify the child's connection with faith, and also positively affect their bond with the family.

Moreover, actions such as stroking the child's head or patting their back after worship, and encouraging them with words full of praise, are forms of spiritual rewards. This form of reward will effectively foster self-confidence, peace, and faith in the child.

Being balanced in love is also a crucial factor at this point. It is also a necessary behavior to make the child love what we love best. A moderate form of disciplined love is ideal. Parents, as the primary educators, should emphasize love, understanding, compassion, order, and discipline in their teaching.

Parallel to this, while parents do their best for the upbringing of their child, they should never neglect to pray to the Almighty Creator for their child to become a virtuous person, and they must always express gratitude for the blessing of their child, the "decoration and fruit of worldly life".

During this fundamental educational process, both parents should act together and should not neglect their duties or leave them to each other. If one parent shirks this responsibility, it means the education is realized by half. Essentially, the child's education is like a seesaw game, with parents at each end and the child in the middle. This game must be played in such a balanced way that neither side should overpower the other.

As understood from these explanations, from an early age, the child should receive strong lessons of belief within the family.

As Badiuzzaman Said Nursi puts it,

“If a child does not receive strong lessons of belief in childhood, it becomes very difficult for them to absorb the pillars of Islam and belief into their spirit later on; they become estranged. Especially if they do not see their parents as pious, and if their mind is educated only with worldly sciences, they become even more estranged.”

An important point derived from the statement above is to keep the child engaged in their activities and to make them enjoy what they do until they reach the age to perform real religious duties. In matters of spirituality, what happens at home is more significant for the child than anywhere else. When parents talk about religion to their children, they should focus on being "child-centered" not "adult-centered". That is, they should treat the child like an adult, but should not expect the child to act like one.

Another issue is ensuring that the education given by parents and school does not turn into a disruptive force in the child’s perception of education. Again, Badiuzzaman’s advice to high school students who said, “Our teachers at school do not talk about Allah,” was “If your teachers do not mention Him, every science speaks of Allah in its own language. Listen to them”, which is very meaningful in this context. In a secular educational paradigm where religious and worldly educations are sharply divided, a belief-focused view is not valid.

For pious parents or teachers, a child's ability to pray and their knowledge about planets should carry the traces of the same worldview. In this regard, the universe, the Quran, and the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) are different teachers teaching the same truth.

"It is not permitted to the Sun to catch up the Moon, nor can the Night outstrip the Day: Each (just) swims along in (its own) orbit (according to Law)." (Yasin, 36:40)

The Quranic verse above does not contradict the realities of the universe. They support each other. Similarly, every quality praised in the Quran is perfectly manifested in the life of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

The ultimate goal of ideal religious education is for the child to know their Lord who created, nurtured, sustained, and educated them. Home, school, and society should collectively aid the child in reaching this goal. During this aid, it should be considered whether the topic taught to the child is appropriate for their developmental stage.

Especially, the moral development stages of the child are of utmost importance in this framework. The first stage of moral development is infancy, where the child’s sense of right and wrong is merely what they feel about good and bad. The second stage occurs when the child just starts walking, and during this phase, they learn "right" and "wrong" from what others tell them. During the preschool years, which correspond to the third stage, the child begins to internalize family values as if they were their own and starts to comprehend and understand the consequences of their actions.

The fourth stage covers the ages of 7-10. The distinguishing feature of this period is the child beginning to question the infallibility of their parents, teachers, and other adults. The child has a strong sense of "should be done" and "should not be done". As the child enters the fifth stage, which encompasses pre-adolescence and adolescence, they prioritize their peers over adults, experimenting with different value systems within their peer group to find the one that suits them best. Especially during this period, it is advisable to guide children towards individuals who know religious and moral values and encourage them to make friends with such people.

From the perspective of parents, the developmental stages of a child's upbringing take on a different dimension. Roughly speaking, the 0-6 age period is characterized by "instruction", 7-10 age period by "encouragement", 10-14 age period by "warning", and beyond 14 years as the "tolerance period".

Accordingly, the child is first given important and fundamental religious instructions. Activities such as reciting adhan and iqamah, and teaching the child to say "La ilaha illallah = There is no god but Allah" can be considered as instructional activities. During the encouragement phase, the child is motivated to perform prayers, directed towards correct behavior, persuaded to eat less or share with friends. Those are examples of what can be done during the encouragement phase.

The warning phase is the last bend before adolescence. Here, the child begins to break free from parental authority gradually, striving to act independently. However, because they have not yet fully mastered controlling their emotions and willpower, they still encounter some coercive and warning disciplinary practices from their parents. Just as it is reasonable to show exaggerated affection to a child at a young age, it is equally reasonable to emphasize discipline a bit more during this period.

Finally, when the tolerance period arrives, we are faced with a young person who is considered an adult both physically and mentally. This young person should be treated as an adult, as seen in the Prophet's (pbuh) enlistment of young people into the army at this age. Pressuring them no longer benefits them. They can only be approached and benefited from through friendly and tolerant means.

From all these explanations, it will be appropriate to draw the following conclusion: Islamic education requires both consciousness and great effort. In this regard, the greatest responsibility lies with the parents above all.

(Hilmi Orhan - Zafer Magazine)

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