Is her mother or her husband closer?

The Details of the Question

- Is a mother closer to her child or her husband?

The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

Before answering your question, we would like to draw your attention to a few issues:

If we try to find an answer to such a comprehensive and relative question with our minds, different interpretations may come from everyone. Our responsibility will be to look for the answer in the Quran, in the Sunnah, that is, in Islam, because the following is stated is stated in the Quran in verse 38 of the chapter of al-Anam:

“...Nothing have we omitted from the Book …”

So, we will look at what the Quran says about mother, father, child, spouse and all other relationships.

The Holy Quran consists of 4 main parts; to sum up:

Tawhid; Existence and unity of Allah and their proofs,

Prophethood, that is, the stories of the prophets; The peace of the tribes obeying these blessed messengers and the destruction of those who rebelled,

Gathering; that is, resurrection and the eternal life in the hereafter, where the results of the test in the world will be found out,

Worship; that is, what we should pay attention to, what we should do and avoid in the world of testing we are in, and all of our duties of servitude.

The first three of these four parts are for warning all humanity. And unconditional belief in them is indispensable. A small deficiency in them can cause the belief to disappear.

The last part, worship, that is, the duties of servitude, is of course addresses believers only, and the deficiencies and faults here constitute our sins.

Islam also evaluates the issue of family relations, which is our subject, within this part of worship.

Therefore, we should view the relationship between parents, children and spouses in a Muslim family accordingly, that is, as our duty of worship and servitude:

Parental relationship; The Quran gives a special place to our parents, who raised us with great sacrifice when we were young, when we were the weakest and most needy. The following is stated in verse 23 of the chapter of al-Isra:

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them “a word of contempt”, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor.”

Parents, even if they are unbelievers, must not be obeyed in issues contrary to belief (see al-Ankabut, 29/8), but under all circumstances, their children should carry them on their backs, so to speak, until the last days of their lives.

Some of us may say, “But my father is very grumpy, my mother is like this..., etc…”

At this very point, God Almighty says, say not to them ‘a word of contempt’”, answering this possibly unfounded reproach.

On the other hand, Islam allocates a share of inheritance to the parents whereas the law system made with the human mind does not allocate a share to the parents, all of the inheritance is left to the children.

The child might be ungrateful, especially the grandchild might be even more ungrateful; the old parents who lost their son or daughter might may be miserable in the world, aside from their sadness. In any case, when they die, everything will be left to their grandchildren. Therefore, when the division of inheritance to be left to parents, children and spouses is explained, Almighty Allah states the following in verse 11 of the chapter of an-Nisa:

“...Ye know not whether your parents or your children are nearest to you in benefit. These are settled portions ordained by Allah. and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.”

Relationship with children is different. Allah gives us such a feeling of mercy and compassion that we are ready to give our lives for them. Everything else in the world becomes of secondary importance.

However, sometimes things may not go as planned. The following is stated in verses 14 and 15 of the chapter of at-Taghabun:

“O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Your riches and your children may be but a trial but in the Presence of Allah, is the highest Reward.”

We do not choose our children, parents and all other family members; our opinion is not asked, but we choose our spouses who will be the parents of our possible children; we share everything of our lives with them at once. With indescribable feelings called “love”, our heart surpasses all mental thoughts.

People with weak belief who have not received Islamic education and manners can make many mistakes here. However, the person who follows the Islamic manners and creed acts in accordance with Allah’s will and permission because he knows that, in accordance with the will of the All-Wise Allah and the secret of testing, sometimes we undergo severe tests through both our children and our spouses.

The simplest and only way to overcome these tests is to act in sirat al-mustaqim (the straight path) within the boundaries of Islam, to avoid extremism, and to be tolerant and forgiving.

Being conscious of this and keeping these main principles in mind, it is our duty to make our parents, children and spouses as happy as possible, and to do whatever the interests of our family and circumstances require.

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