Is extreme love of children not permissible? We always hear that it is necessary not to love children so much.

I ask from this point of view: I sometimes love my child very much (sincerely) but after that, I think whether I loved him extremely. Is it possible that Allah will not be pleased with it?

Dear Brother / Sister,

Love of Allah comes before everything. It is important in what sense and why you love something. It is a deed of worship to love something for Allah as a boon of Allah. From this point of view, it is necessary to regard our children, who are entrusted to us, as His grace and grant and to work legitimately in order to make them gain their worldly life and otherworldly life.

There are thousands of reasons why Allah gives love of children to all parents. It is a deed of worship to fulfill this love.

For instance, it is different to love a letter that one has received due to its paper and nice handwriting than to love it because it is something entrusted to him by the sender; similarly, it is different to love children based on one’s intention. It is nice to love them as boons of Allah. The criterion for loving them for Allah is to raise and educate them in the way that Allah wants.

Love of the Prophet comes after love of Allah. To love the Prophet means to love Allah. To love scholars, people of taqwa and benefactors is like that. For, one loves the beloved of the beloved too. The Messenger of the Beloved One is also loved. The one who loves the beloved is also loved. The real beloved one here is Allah. There is nobody except Him that deserves real love. We can explain it with an example:

The first thing one loves is his soul. To love one’s own soul means to want to continue living and not to like elimination. This characteristic is inborn in man. In fact, this feeling, which exists in man, necessitates loving Allah. For, one who knows himself and his Lord understands that the continuation and perfection of his life is based on Allah, not himself. It is Allah who created him out of nothing and who makes him live. For, among the beings, it is only Allah that exists as a necessity of His being and that does not need anything to exist. Everything except Him exists based on His power and creation. A person who knows it like that loves and has to love the one that created him and gave him everything he has. His love of his Lord originates from knowing Him.

Love is the fruit of knowledge. If there is no knowledge, there is no love. One loves his parents. Why does he love them? For, they are the reason for his creation. Besides, they raised and educated him. Therefore, one loves his parents. However, the one who creates man is Allah. It is He who makes parents a reason for his creation. It is also He who gives parents love of their children. He gives this love even to animals. The Prophet (pbuh) states the following:

"Allah divided mercy into one hundred parts. He retained with Him ninety-nine parts, and sent down to earth one part. Through this one part, creatures deal with one another with compassion so much so that an animal lifts its hoof over its young lest it should hurt it." (Ahmet Serdaroğlu, İhyaû Ulûmi'd-Dîn Translation, İstanbul 1975, IV/537)

The Prophet (pbuh) loved children very much. He would take them on his lap, pat them and kiss them with compassion.

The Prophet kissed his grandsons, Hz. Hasan and Hz. Husayn too. When a man saw him kissing them, he said,

"I have ten children; I have not kissed any of them."The Prophet said,

«He who shows no mercy, will receive no mercy.» (Muslim, Fadail, 65; Tirmidhi, Birr wa Sila, 12)

When the Prophet (pbuh) performed a prayer, his beloved grandsons, Hasan and Husayn would climb up his shoulders. He would tolerate this act of children even when he performed a prayer; he would not prevent their games.

When he sat somewhere, he would get up when his daughter, Fatima, came, kiss her on the forehead and make her sit in his place. He loved not only his children and grandchildren but also other children; he would talk to them and loved them; he would give them things that they liked. He even loved the children of non-Muslims.

The Prophet were interested in children very much. Once, he organized a race among children. He stood at the place where the race would end. He loved the children who came to him by running and gave them gifts. (Ahmad b. Hanbal, Musnad, I/214)

The Prophet (pbuh) gave the following advice related to children:

«Fear Allah and treat your children fairly.» (Jamius-Saghir; Bukhari, Hiba, 8/26)

«Allah wants you to treat your children equally when you kiss them.» (ibid)

Questions on Islam