How should one answer a person who hurts his feelings among other people and who demoralizes him?

Details of the Question
What should one do if somebody addressed him in a way that would hurt his feelings and demoralize him and in a wearying and angry way? I could have shown how unjust he was at that time with the words that I could have uttered but I showed patience and kept silent. Should one defend himself in such a situation or show patience? I cannot get rid of the effect of such incidents quickly; it lasts for a day or two; I feel demoralized.
The Answer

Dear Brother / Sister,

The chapter of al-Humaza in the Quran starts with a divine warning:

"Woe to every (kind of) scandal-monger and-backbiter!" (al-Humaza, 104/1)

The religion of Islam is against hurting the pride of people. However, unfortunately, people make this mistake. Even the prophets were mocked. If you see the history of Islam and history of prophets, you will see it.

It is better to keep silent, to leave that place and to take refuge in Allah from Satan and say bismillah in such situations. One gets great thawabs when he suppresses his anger. One should think of the result and the thawabs at the moment of trouble. He should think that even the prophets were attacked by hands and words. One should try not to be in the same places with such people.

It is necessary to warn the people who act like that when they are alone, not in the community. If he keeps acting like that despite warnings, it is necessary to try not to be in the same places with such people.

THE CHAPTER OF AL-HUMAZA

It is the one hundred and fourth chapter of the Quran. It was sent down in Makkah. It consists of nine verses. It takes its name from the word "humaza" in the first verse and the rhyme of the verses is “a(h)”.

"Humaza" is used in the sense of backbiting. The words "humaza lumaza" are two words whose meanings are very close two each other in Arabic; they are sometimes used interchangeably. There is so little difference between them that even the Arabs who have a good command in Arabic say lumaza when they define humaza.In that case, the meaning is as follows:  A person who is used to despising and looking down on people points at some people with his finger and indicates others with his words. He denigrates others due to their status. He disparages yet others. He says some bad things right to the face of some people and backbites others. He causes conflicts and trouble between friends by acting as a talebearer; he sows discord between brothers. He gives names to some people, makes fun of them and displays their deficiencies.

This chapter reflects one of the real descriptions of real life in the first years of Islam. Besides, it describes an example that can be seen in any community and age. A simple and mean person is described and the attitudes and states of such people are narrated; thus, it is emphasized how poor they are. He is one of the wicked people who have a wealth and who are enslaved by their wealth, thinking that the only thing that matters in the world is wealth and regarding everything else inferior compared to wealth. In addition, he thinks this wealth is a god that has power over everything and that can do anything it wants. Thus, he thinks death will never come and that he will live forever. He thinks he will escape from the reckoning and penalty in the hereafter, if there is, thanks to his wealth. His property and money have become his god. He worships material things and the world from then on.

Thus, this mean person (and the people like him) counts his wealth and takes pleasure as he counts it. A bad feeling in him leads him to defame people’s honor, backbite and mock them.

This description is a disgusting, ugly and mean description of human soul deprived of personality and belief. Islam hates those wicked and mean souls since it gives importance to high ethics. Therefore, Islam forbids mocking and making fun of others. It refuses condemning people in various places. That those deeds are mentioned as ugly and disgusting along with threats shows that some polytheists treated the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) and the believers like that in that age. This was applied against them in the past and it is applied against the Muslims of today in the same way.

l) "Woe to every (kind of) scandal-monger and-backbiter,

2) Who pileth up wealth and layeth it by,

3) Thinking that his wealth would make him last for ever!

4) By no means! He will be sure to be thrown into That which Breaks to Pieces,

5) And what will explain to thee That which Breaks to Pieces?

6) (It is) the Fire of (the Wrath of) Allah kindled (to a blaze),

7) The which doth mount (Right) to the Hearts:

8) It shall be made into a vault over them,

9) In columns outstretched.

Two great meanings are seen in Allah's rejecting this behavior. Firstly, to condemn immorality and to denigrate such mean souls. Secondly, to support believing souls, to prevent mean souls from penetrating into them, to indicate that Allah sees whatever they do and that He will punish them. Those indications aim to elevate the believers spiritually and to keep them away from ugly tricks.

Naci YENGİN

 

MOCKERY, MOCKING

It means to make fun of a thing or a person, to disdain people, to insult people, to display others’ mistakes through words, signs or writing, to despise a person in a community. 

The feeling of mocking in a person starts by feeling conceited; then, he ignores his addressees and starts to look down on them. Consequently, this feeling makes him mock others and brings about the disorder of conceit and arrogance, which caused Satan to rebel against his Lord, and which becomes manifest in the form of not accepting Lord and despising people.

When a person mocks, he feels arrogant and conceited; in addition, he hurts and disturbs his believing brother by his mockery. It is haram to be conceited and to pain a believer. Due to the result of both bad deeds, the bonds of brotherhood in the Islamic community loosens. For, the feeling of enmity and hatred enter between the individuals with mocking. Thus, the Islamic community, which is described as a building, breaks into pieces and scatters.

The Islamic community is a whole. The dignity and honor of every individual in Islam is untouchable. The feelings of honor, dignity and chastity, which form the basis of an individual’s spiritual life, cannot be defamed. One of the primary deeds that defame human dignity is mockery. Islam gives importance to the principle of protecting human rights and freedom, and human dignity and honor; therefore, Islam guarantees the feelings and thoughts of Muslims through the Quran: "O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong" (al-Hujurat, 49/11)

Islam forbids mockery in order to protect bonds of brotherhood. It is not permissible for a believer who believes in Allah and the Day of Judgement to mock people and to make fun of them. It is a very bad thing to make fun of others, to give them bad names that they will not like no matter how. For, this act is a wound that gives pain and that people cannot easily forget.

Relationships in the life of community are based on sincerity. The instrument measuring the degree of this sincerity is the heart. Hz. Prophet (pbuh) said, "Allah does not look at your shape and your wealth; but he looks at your hearts." (Muslim, Birr, 32). People are always familiar with the outer appearance; the inner world cannot be known. What will be weighed in the presence of Allah is not the outer appearance but the piety (taqwa) of the hearts. The knowledge of man is not enough to know and understand it. For this reason, one cannot despise a person and cannot break his heart, which is valued by Allah, by making fun of that person.

The Quran condemns those who regard wealth the only lofty value in the world, who think they are strong because of their wealth and who mock the values of others: "Woe to every (kind of) scandal-monger and-backbiter." (al-Humaza, 104/1)

According to Islam, every person that is created has a value in the eye of Allah. Allah, who created man in the best of molds, equipped him with the best characteristics and made him a vicegerent on earth. (al-Baqara, 2/30) To make fun of the outward appearance of a being like that may make a person confront his Lord, who created him. In fact, his Lord, Allah, who is his Creator, will not be pleased when a person is mocked.

In the Quran, those who make fun of belief (al-Baqara, 2/206; al-Munafiqun, 63/5-6), verses of the Quran (at-Tawba, 9/124- 125, 127), prophets (Muhammad, 47/16) and believers (at-Tawba, 9/79) are mentioned. Those people are the ones who make friends with unbelievers by abandoning believers. (an-Nisa, 4/139; al-Maida, 5/52; al-Mujadala, 58/14) Those people think they deceive Allah and believers by doing so. (al-Baqara, 2/9; an-Nisa, 4/143; Hud, 11/5) According to Islam, belief is sacred; it cannot be mocked. The people who are stated to make fun of faiths are the hypocrites (munafiqs) that emerge in the community of Islam.

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