Does renewal of marriage exist in our religion?

Does a person lose his belief and his marriage when he utters words of unbelief? How is marriage renewed?

Dear Brother / Sister,

When a man says the words used for divorce to his wife, divorce (talaq) occurs.

The words used for divorce are of two types: Explicit words and allegorical words.

Statements such as “Be divorced from me”, “I have divorced you” are explicit words. As soon as a man says those words, even in jest or in confusion, he has divorced his wife, even if he does not know their meaning.

The statements, “I have left you; I have abandoned you” are considered as explicit words. Divorcing once or twice with such clear words is called talaq ar-riji, i.e. a divorce that can be revoked. However, one of the three rights is regraded to have been used. If any of these words are said once, and if the person regrets it, he can continue the marriage with two ties without remarrying if he holds his wife’s hand with the intention of returning to the previous marriage.

There are three bonds in marriage. So, if the words of divorce are repeated three times, if a man says, “I have divorced you, I have divorced you, I have divorced you,” or if he says, “I have divorced you three times,” he has broken all three bonds and divorced her irrevocably. When he divorces her three times like that, talaq ar-riji (revocable divorce) becomes talaq al-ba’in (irrevocable divorce).

Statements such as “Go to your father’s house!”, “Get out of here!”, “Go to Hell!”, “I am not your husband anymore!”, etc., which are also used in other meanings, are allegorical, ambiguous statements. When those words are uttered with the intention of divorcing, divorce takes place. It is called talaq al-ba’in, that is, a final divorce that cannot be revoked within the period of iddah.

In this kind of divorce, one cannot come together with his wife unless the period of iddah has passed and a new marriage has been made. 

If a man says to his father-in-law, “I do not want your daughter, let her go to whomever she wants,” and when his wife asks for permission to go somewhere, “I have not tied you with a rope; go”, “You go where you want, you will not be my wife”, “I do not want you anymore,” or “I want to divorce you” etc., he is not regarded to have divorced her unless he has intended to divorce her.

In case of divorce with allegoric words, he cannot enter his wife’s room during the iddah of ba’in talaq. She cannot adorn herself or wear perfume, and she must stay away from her husband who has divorced her like a non-mahram woman. A new marriage is necessary at the end of the iddah.

If no number is mentioned in the divorce, it is regarded as one talaq. If he says three or more, he divorces with three talaqs. If he says, “As many as the hairs on my body,” or “As many as the fish in the sea,” or “As many as the stars in the sky,” or “from three to nine,” it is still regarded as three talaqs.

The man who wants to divorce his wife must be wise and alert. The words of a drunkard, a sick person, a threatened person, or divorce via a letter, e-mail or fax are regarded as valid talaqs. As soon as they reach the woman, she is divorced. In other words, divorce occurs when the woman learns about it and becomes aware of it.

There is no divorce by the words of a mad person, a demented person, a person who is unconscious, a person who is asleep, a person who is sick, or a furious, absent-minded person. A furious absent-minded person does not know what he says. It happens in two ways:

If he says it without knowing its meaning, without intention and desire, there is no divorce. It is valid for allegorical words. Otherwise, if he says “I have divorced you” with explicit words, divorce will still be valid even if he has not intended or desired it.

Saying it knowingly and willingly, and then not knowing and not remembering that he has said it. If two witnesses have heard it and say it, divorce takes place. That is, if the man says, “I have divorced you” and does not remember it and when it is said to him that he said so and he says, “I do not remember; I have not said anything like that and if two witnesses say, “Yes, we heard that he divorced his wife”, divorce takes place. If they do not say so, divorce does not take place since he denies it.

If there has been no intercourse, or if they have never been together in a room or in a secluded place and if he divorces her once, she can marry someone else even on the same day without waiting for iddah.

If he divorces her three times at different times, once each, or if he says once, “I have divorced her three times,” the marriage is irrevocably broken. In order to marry that woman again, hilla is necessary. Hilla means that a woman marries another man; intercourse occurs between them; then, the man divorces her, and then the period of iddah passes again. Only then can her first husband marry her with a new marriage.

It is humiliation and disgrace for a man. Allah has given men the right to divorce, but He has imposed this disgrace of hilla on men so that they do not use this right indiscriminately and women do not become toys in the hands of men. A Muslim man cannot even utter the word divorce for fear of hilla. Divorce cannot be mentioned or joked about in the family.

He should never use the word divorce, even in jest or to frighten his wife. Even if they have decided to separate, he should not use it. Later on, they can give up the decision of separation. He should use one talaq after consulting with his relatives and friends and deciding to divorce. He should never use talaqs at once. It is a sin to use three talaqs at once.

Living conditions may cause people to endure many things. What is said to be impossible can happen. If one divorces with one talaq, the door is not completely closed. Not divorcing does not bring a risk, but divorcing, especially using three talaqs, is a great risk. It may not be possible to recompense.

Iddah is the time after divorce during which it is forbidden for a woman to remarry. It is the time from the beginning of the first menstrual period until the end of the third menstrual period. If she is not menstruating, it is three months for talaq and four months and ten days for death.

Things that invalidate marriage: Saying, “I have divorced you”; saying allegoric words with the intention of divorcing, for example, telling one’s wife to “get out and leave”. Saying words that make a person an unbeliever.

- When a person utters words of unbelief, do his belief and marriage end? How is renewal of marriage done?

Renewing a marriage means making a new marriage contract. It is not necessary to do it under the supervision of a hodja. In order to renew the marriage, the man gets a proxy from the woman and says in the presence of two male witnesses, “I have married my wife, who has been my wife since the past, off to me acting as her agent and acting as principal.” Thus, the marriage is regarded to have been renewed.

Divorce is one thing, falling into unbelief is another. It is not regarded as talaq. That is, one of the bonds is not broken. If a person falls into unbelief a thousand times, he has to renew the marriage a thousand times, but it is not regarded as talaq.

- What should a woman do to get married with the right of divorce in her power?

If the woman says, “I have married you with the right of divorce in my power,” and he says, “I have accepted it,” the woman will have the right to divorce. If he says to her, “Your work is in your power,” or “Divorce yourself,” or “You can divorce yourself if you wish,” she can divorce herself only in that session. If he says, “Divorce yourself whenever you want,” it is not limited to that session. She can divorce herself whenever she wants.

If a woman who has been given the right to divorce her husband says to him, “I have divorced you,” divorce will not take place; she must say, “I have divorced myself.” If the woman stipulates at the time of the marriage, “I will divorce myself from you whenever I want,” and the man says, “I accept this stipulation,” the conditional marriage is valid and the woman has the right to divorce.

If the man gives the woman the right to divorce and she says, “I do not want the right to divorce,” she has not rejected the right. She can divorce herself whenever she wishes. If the man says, “I have married you giving you the right to divorce yourself,” the marriage is valid, but the woman does not have the right to divorce. However, if she first says, “I have married you with the right to divorce myself whenever I want,” and he says, “I have accepted it,” the marriage is valid and the right to divorce is in her power.

A husband and wife who have fallen into unbelief have to renew their marriage in the presence of two witnesses after they have renewed their belief. For the sake of simplicity, he should get a power of attorney from his wife to renew the marriage, and he should say in the presence of two male witnesses, “I have married my wife, who has been my wife since the past, off to me acting as her agent and acting as principal.” The famous tajdid iman (renewal of belief) and tajdid nikah (renewal of marriage) utterance performed in congregation in mosques is based on this decree.

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