How should our weddings be?

Family home is a center of happiness for a Muslim, a place where he/she keeps his secrets, a shelter that prevents him/her from many sins and evils. Therefore it is of great importance to be careful during the establishment phases of it, and to act in fully Islamic consciousness.

Family home is like a building. The sounder the foundations, the longer the life of the building.

It is necessary to think of the wedding ceremonies within the general framework of halals and harams of Islam. The environmental conditions, customs and traditions of the places where the people to be married live are diverse. Since it is very difficult to analyze and select them one by one, the important property should be that they should not be contrary to Islam.

As it is stated in the Sunnah, one of the conditions of marriage is that it should be announced. Such an announcement will differentiate between a legitimate marriage and an illegitimate relationship. Our Prophet (PBUH) recommended it by saying Announce the marriage; let the people hear about it" (Bukhari, Marriage, 48.).

The means to announce which man marries which woman and whose son marries whose daughter, the wedding ceremony, entertainments and feasts are things that realize this announcement as long as they are within the Islamic framework.

After all, weddings are days of joy and happiness. This happiness is expressed by some entertainment, games and dances. However, what should be the criterion in these games, dances and entertainment? What is the criterion of permissibility and haram in the songs, games and dances?

Even though something is principally good and permissible, it becomes haram if it causes the commitment of something forbidden by the religion. If the songs, games and entertainment include haram elements, they are judged accordingly.

Therefore it is permissible to play musical instruments like the drum, clarion and pipe in the weddings only to announce the wedding. When the drum and clarion are played together with epic songs and mehter chants, they are considered to be within the legitimate framework. They are regarded as permissible because they do not appeal to carnal senses. However, in the weddings of our time, illegitimate elements are included in the ceremonies made with the drum and clarion and they are used in forbidden ways. Therefore they are not permissible to play.

As for the games and dances played during the weddings and other times accompanied by music, there are some conditions for them to be permissible. First of all the instruments to be played and the songs must be within a certain framework. The people playing and dancing should not tell lies or bad words, should not show their parts of the bodies which are haram to show to others; the women should not play or dance in places where there are namahram men. If one of the above mentioned things occurs, it is classified as haram. .
Imam Gazali says it is permissible for men to come together and play and dance during the weddings, festivals and feasts; however he says it is haram for women to play and dance in the presence of men.

Therefore women can play and dance in the weddings if there are no namahram men with them. Similarly men also can play and dance within legitimate boundaries. It is permissible both to play and dance like that and to watch people play and dance. These are voluntary; they should be left to peoples choice and initiative. People should not be forced to play and dance because they are the owners of the wedding ceremony or the relatives of the marrying couple.

If the wedding ceremonies are carried out in accordance with the recommendations of the Sunnah and within the framework of Islamic decency and cleanliness, they will be good examples. The foundation of an eternal marriage should not be based on temporary and worldly desires, decayed and superstitious customs. The increase in the number of Muslims who are sensitive about it will keep us as a nation away from the acts contrary to our customs and national traditions that are prevalent in our wedding ceremonies like a common calamity.

It should not be forgotten that as the good examples increase, the evils that we complain about will decrease. Otherwise if we both complain and do not keep ourselves away from their effect, it will be impossible to stop evils.

Reference : Mehmet Paksu, Kadın, Aile, Hayat, Nesil Yayınları

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