The problem you mention is one of the main problems facing the entire Islamic world today because in the past, the responsibility of raising a child belonged solely to the parents. However, social media, television, school, and the environment have now started to have a greater influence on children. If the influence of parents on a child is one, the factors we have listed are ten.
However, parents do not lose their responsibility by any means; they still have things to do.
In this context, we can recommend the following to you.
1. Starting marriage with sincere intentions.
As it is known, intention is like yeast. It shapes the work to be done like a potion. Therefore, marriage should begin with a good intention. Among the fundamental reasons for marriage are protecting oneself from sins and raising children who will be beneficial to the nation and country.
However, nowadays, when people get married, they do not have much concern about raising righteous children; so, they encounter whatever their intentions are. If this intention is taken into account when searching for a spouse, Allah will help that person in raising virtuous children inshallah.
Besides, the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. Choose the religious one so that you may attain salvation.” (Bukhari, Nikah 15; Muslim, Rada 53)
This hadith shows that belief and ethics should be the fundamental criteria while establishing a family.
2. Parents sincerely practicing Islam.
Today, the sciences of pedagogy and psychology clearly state the following:
If a child’s character is 30-40% genetic, the first seeds of the remaining part are formed in the womb. In other words, the mother’s state of mind, her devotion to her religious practices, and her control over her words and body all influence the child’s personality.
Therefore, it can be said that “child rearing begins in the womb.”
After a child is born, avoiding feeding him with haram food, beginning breastfeeding with the Bismillah, and making him listen to verses from the Quran or religious talks instead of indecent music in their room will greatly benefit their spiritual upbringing.
Furthermore, it is crucial for parents to be sensitive and consistent in their words and actions regarding Islamic principles, as this serves as a vital role model. The more uncompromising and resolute parents are, and the more committed they are to Islamic values, belief, and moral principles in their lives, the easier it will be for their children to live according to Islam when they grow up.
The Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Every child is born in accordance with their natural disposition (fitrah). Then their parents make them a Jew, a Christian, or a Zoroastrian.” (Bukhari, Janaiz 92; Muslim, Qadar 22)
3. Prepare a suitable environment for children
After parents, the most influential thing on a child is their environment. Friends, neighbors, and the community they live in are particularly influential.
If you expose your child to people who share your values and to their children, they will reinforce what you teach and will not be influenced by negative examples.
The Prophet (pbuh) states the following regarding the issue:
“A person is on the religion of his friend. Therefore, each of you should be careful with whom you befriend.” (Abu Dawud, Adab 16; Tirmidhi, Zuhd 45)
4. Parents’ behavior should be consistent for the sake of education
If parents have different opinions on what and how to give something to a child, the child will not accept either of them. Or the child will fall into a contradiction, begin to question their validity, and do what suits him best. Thus, he cannot follow a consistent path.
Therefore, parents should develop a consistent and unified approach in their child’s Islamic education.
5. One should avoid being too strict or too lenient.
Some parents, who completely ignore the preparatory stages we have described so far, begin to discipline their children only when they become a little older. At that point, the child naturally resists and rebels. The parents then panic and begin to exert pressure, even resorting to violence.
We should not forget that children have a sensitive nature; they are greatly affected by excessive strictness and develop an identity opposed to that parent. In other words, they want to develop an identity that is the opposite of their parents’ religious identity.
This is the primary reason why many religious parents have children who are distant from religion, or even make lifestyle choices that are completely at odds with their parents’. In other words, it is the development of a reversed identity.
In such cases, patience is needed. Persuasion and rapport should be pursued. However, no compromises should be made regarding religious principles based on their age.
6. Guided education should be adopted instead of free education.
In modern educational approaches, there is a tendency to let children make their own choices regarding themselves from as early as one year old, so that their decision-making abilities can develop.
However, a child of that age cannot make healthy choices about their food or clothing. As this child grows a little older, he begins to display narcissistic tendencies and stop listening to their parents.
In fact, parents should teach their child from a very young age to obey and respect their parents’ decisions so that they do not become rebellious in the future.
7. Always approach young people with respect and love.
Pressure and intimidation often backfire in matters of faith. Creating an environment of sincere love, understanding, and trust makes it easier for young people to express themselves and, when necessary, reconnect with religious values.
For a young person struggling related to faith, conveying religious truths sincerely, rather than through pressure, is far more lasting and effective.
8. Accept that questioning is normal
Adolescence is a period of intense identity search, where questioning is a natural part of the process.
Instead of telling a questioning young person, “your belief is weak” or that they are “you are exiting your religion”, it is better to explain that this questioning is normal and to guide him with reliable sources.
You could say to him:
“I will not be angry with you for saying that. On the contrary, your honesty and openness are very valuable. If you want, we can talk about why you think that way. Rest assured, I will listen without judging you.”
9. Refer them to people who are well-versed in matters of belief
When young people’s questions are not answered satisfactorily, their tendency to distance themselves entirely from religion may increase.
Therefore, if you do not consider yourself very good at matters of belief, especially if you are faced with questions about science and philosophy, say, “I am not very good at this; there are people better than me.”
They could be encouraged to contact well-educated individuals who can provide explanations based on the fundamental sources of Islam, using simple and sincere language.
10. Try to set an example through your behavior.
Often, living the religion can be more effective than simply talking about it. Exemplary living by its universal values, such as tolerance, honesty, truthfulness, high ethics, and sincere worship, can have a greater impact on young people.
Badiuzzaman Said Nursi has a historic statement regarding the issue:
“If we were to display through our actions the perfections of the morality of Islam and the truths of belief, without doubt the followers of other religions would enter Islam in whole communities.” (See: Hutbe-i Shamiye, First Word)
11. Give them time, do not be too hasty.
Faith is a process. Someone who does not feel a Muslim today may rediscover his faith over time. Therefore, it is necessary to support young individuals with hope, patience and dua (supplication).
This type of approach fosters a sense of respect and trust in the young person’s inner world. This, in turn, can pave the way for them to think about matters of faith with a more open mind.
12. Explain sensitive topics in an age-appropriate way.
The specific questions you raise are also important.
A general approach might be as follows:
7-10 years old: Privacy education, body boundaries.
10-13 years old: Adolescence, hygiene, modesty, sexuality.
13-16 years old: Boy-girl relationships, boundaries of what is haram and halal.
Ages 16+: Masturbation, fornication, dating, marriage, modern moral issues.
These topics should not be avoided out of shame, but should be discussed respectfully and scholarly.
Golden principles of child education in Islam
Choosing a righteous spouse
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. Choose the religious one so that you may attain salvation.” (Bukhari, Nikah 15; Muslim, Rada 53)
A child’s education begins with choosing a spouse, because parents are the child’s first teachers.
Instilling religious awareness in children from birth
It is recommended to recite the call to prayer (adhan) into the ear of a newborn child.
“When Hasan was born, the Messenger of Allah recited adhan into his ear.” (Abu Dawud, Adab 108)
This practice is important because it ensures that the first message a child receives in life is about tawhid (oneness).
Giving a nice name
The Prophet (pbuh) said: “On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and the names of your fathers. Therefore, give your children good names.” (Abu Dawud, Adab 61)
A name is a significant factor influencing a child’s identity and psychology.
To raise them with love and compassion
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would kiss his grandchildren.
When a Companion said, “I have ten children, but I have never kissed them,” the Prophet said:
“He who shows no mercy will not be shown mercy.” (Bukhari, Adab 18; Muslim, Fadail 65)
Love is the foundation of a healthy religious education.
To protect the child’s nature.
Hadith: “Every child is born in accordance with the natural disposition (fitrah).” (Bukhari, Janaiz 92; Muslim, Qadar 22)
This hadith shows that children are inherently pure and possess the potential for belief.
To instill the habit of worship
The Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Command your children to perform prayers when they are seven years old.” (Abu Dawud, Salah 26)
This aims to instill the habit of worship at a young age.
Teaching good morals
The following is stated in the Quran:
“O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from Fire.” (at-Tahrim 66/6)
This verse places the responsibility of religious education on the family.
To act fairly
The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Be just among your children.” (Bukhari, Hibat 12; Muslim, Hibat 13)
Discrimination leads to jealousy and psychological issues in children.
Raising with halal food.
Islamic state that raising a child with halal food has a great impact on his spiritual development.
A hadith: “Allah is pure, and He accepts only what is pure.” (Muslim, Zakah 65)
To have a good circle of friends.
Hadith: “A person follows the religion of his friend.” (Tirmidhi, Zuhd 45; Abu Dawud, Adab 16)
A significant part of a child’s character is influenced by his peer group.
Giving privacy education
The Quran contains a verse about children’s privacy education:
“Let the (children) among you who have not come of age ask your permission (before they come to your presence), on three occasions.” (an-Nur 24/58)
The verse above shows that education about privacy should be given at a young age.
To avoid excessive harshness.
Our Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Make things easy, not difficult; give good news, do not cause hatred.” (Bukhari, Knowledge 12; Muslim, Jihad 6)
This principle applies to child education too.
To Be patient
The following is stated in the Quran:
“Enjoin prayer on thy people, and be constant therein.” (Taha 20/132)
Education is a long-term process.
To Allow them to ask questions
The children of the Companions were allowed to ask the Prophet questions.
For example, Abdullah ibn Abbas asked many questions at a young age and became a great scholar in the field of knowledge.
This shows that questioning is encouraged.
To Pray
The Prophet Muhammad would pray for children.
The prayer of believers is described as follows in the Quran:
“And those who pray, “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes.” (al-Furqan 25/74)
Prayer (dua) has an important place in the Islamic educational system.
Conclusion
Child education in Islam is based on three fundamental principles:
- Love and compassion
- Setting an example
- Endurable education
- Child education is not just about commands and prohibitions, but also about demonstrating good morals through actions.
